Theme and Variations - September 2016

First person time, just for the opening. What is up, Dear Readers! i've been, let's say, “busy.” i can tell you more next month. It's good, everything's good. i never forgot you. i love you. i'll be filling in the back catalogue of missing puzzle write ups soon (read: eventually).

The Theme!

Theme 'n' Varyations. Seena thissa one before. Major gripes for this puzzle. Let's start with a Big Gripe about how the theme played out:

• 1A) HUEY
• 4A) DEWEY
• 7A) LOUIE

Sweet, cool, no probs, right? The Quack Pack. Nephew time.


A cool thing we'd never noticed before is that the names rhyme with different spellings after the first letter. We're more familiar with the opposite trait as a standalone puzzle: three words differ only in first letters but do not rhyme. Like STATURE, MATURE, and NATURE. Or COVEN, WOVEN, and PROVEN.

Ok let's looky how that first one varies, though:

• 1D) HELICOPTERS

Ok so pluralizing is weird because HUEY is singular. And that early weirdness is the fart that heralds the diarrhea ahead:

• 26D) IROQUOIS
• 39D) COBRA

No. Absolutely not. This is against the rules and spirit of THEME AND VARIATIONS. What was promised was three parent words that each vary into three children. Or as Brother JBLSmith notes below, a sibling that varies into three siblings who are all friends and hang out together as adults, very sweet, makes off‑screen parents so proud.

But HUEY varies into a parent word and two siblings. Unacceptable.

Sweet V initially defended this theme! To our horror! Dear Readers are welcome to invoke further horror in the Comments by similarly defending this perverse insanity. Longtime Readers are certainly familiar with one of our beloved pastimes, which is to get Super Worked Up about the Harper's puzzle only to be corrected later, taken gently by the hand and Made to See Reason. This is a Safe Space for corrections.

Th'others varied in pleasing and expected ways. For DEWEY:

• 21A) COMMODORE
• 28A) GOVERNOR
• 7D) LIBRARIAN

Verr nice! COMMODORE maybe a little forced cuz who even is that guy?

George Dewey (December 26, 1837 – January 16, 1917) was Admiral of the Navy, the only person in U.S. history to have attained the rank. Admiral Dewey is best known for his victory at the Battle of Manila Bay during the Spanish–American War.

Source: Wyky

As a side note, thinking about Dewey and Truman now, we only recently put it together that FDR died in April 1945, and HST dropped the bombs in August. Like: that guy was only in the driver's seat for four months before he hit the button, twice.

And then rounding it out, Louie Lou‑ay as a type of currency:

• 25A) SOVEREIGN
• 42A) SOLIDUS
• 51A) DINAR

Sweet V's help was needed to make the initial connect from LOUIE to DINAR, and then parsing SOLIDUS at the end was a task. That was the final solve of the puzzle. But we got it. Currency is a fresh form for LOUIE.

Highlights!

• 11A) Engineering need: an assembly that's a square … (6)
  engineering NEED AN = ENNEAD

Eternal love for the ennead and the Enneagram! Seven years ago we were solidly an Enneagram 3 (The Performer) but these days when we re‑test sometimes we're an Enneagram 2 (The Helper). The Enneagram and its cousin, the Meyers‑Briggs Personality Test, really fill the void after quitting astrology.


Of course, as is well documented here on Tacky Harper's Cryptic Clues, “ennead” means “a group of nine” — often, specifically, the nine Furies of classical Greek mythology, But you knew that! Who are we to tell you that! [hearty chortles!]

Would have been happy if it ended with “square” instead of “a square” but piffle puffle, this write up is already taking too long!! Onward!

• 12A) … if square nuts can be used to make very low tables! (8)
  IF SQUARE nuts = AQUIFERS

Alllllways love an anagram. V nice.

• 13A) Brazil, twice downgraded initially, rebounds with fine leather (6)
  (BRAZIL twice downgraded initially = DRAZIL) rebounds = LIZARD

This was clever. CLEVER GURL

• 15A) Small cute animal found in morning in pound (4)
  (morning = AM) in (pound = LB) = LAMB

Automatic highlight for bringing ☆cute!☆ into the puzzle!


One time in college, our freshman year neighbor was dating a very rich son of a very rich real estate developer. The rich son was in a frat, and as a frat prank he brought a lamb to my neighbor's dorm room. Surreal. We felt an unexpected moral violation: “this is not right.” Hard to put our finger on exactly why. No one was hurting the lamb, per se. Yet we felt a powerful sense of dread. Dunno why the richness of father and son is an important part of the story to us, tho it's definitely important. Dunno if he ever got in trouble. We are really taking much-too much-too long on this write up! We missed you, Dear Readers! Time to start sprinting, now. No more boring slipstream anecdotes!!

• 18A) Gets by word of mouth what's spiraled out of control? (8)
  SPIRALED out of control = LIPREADS

Ooh dat “word of mouth” has us thinking homophone but nyope! It was an anagram (honeygram).

• 27A) Hurricane debris showing more dirt (9)
  HURRICANE debris = RAUNCHIER

Glorious anagrama. True love forever!

• 30A) Onetime city Conservative, at heart reactionary (4)
  (Conservative = TORY) at heart reactionary = TROY

Excellent! Nice narrative, makes even old dusty indicators like “at heart” feel fresh and alive again!

• 34A) Stuffed bear in basket, for returning (4)
  (basket = HOOP) for returning = POOH

Automatic highlight for Pooh bear. Love that Pooh bear!

Image courtesy DeviantArt user Tohad

• 36A) One and only bit of fun I questioned (6)
  bit of fUN I QUEstioned = UNIQUE

A daring wordspanner! Nice to have that congruence with ONE at the top of the clue and UNIQUE as the solve. As a side note, want to see us freak out? Say “very unique” in our presence. Oooh!!! shudders

• 39A) Limit badly sung pieces for children (3,4)
  (Limit = CAP) badly SUNG = CAP GUNS

Sincerely thought this was SIP CUPS for most of the puzzle. This past spring our friend Glorious D went to her son's elementary school talent show. She said that no fewer than EIGHT groups of little girls sang the entirety of Let It Go. We were recently initiated into the cult of Frozen by our four-year-old niece, which is the ideal way to experience Frozen. What can “let it go” mean to such tiny humans? Why does it resonate so deeply?

• 44A) Turn a siren up (6)
  Turn A SIREN = ARISEN

Yassssss TURN UP!! Much love.

• 45A) Queen visits London battle location for speech training (7)
  (Queen = ER) visits (London battle = BLITZ) = BERLITZ

This has a nice narrative flow, very Keep Calm, very The King's Speech, very nice.

Speaking of ‘litz, if you seek language lessons, we personally had excellent success with Pimsleur's Romanian program. If you just want to jump in and start making small talk, don't care about the grammar, don't care about the syntax, alla dat can come later, then you might have as much fun and success with them as we did :)

• 50A) Baby covers nose—awful smell starts outside, that is (7)
  (NOSE awful = ONES) (SMELL starts = S) outside (THAT IS = IE) = ONESIES

A little tortured but we like it because it's a pooping baby joke, and pooping babies are hilarious.

• 3D) Sneezy, Dopey drinks—many without any catalysts (7)
  SNEEZY dopey (MANY without ANY = M) = ENZYMES

Excellent! Thought this maybe used DWARVES, or an ‑EAD word that means “group of seven.” But that was an overreaction on our part.

• 4D) Sinister lineage‑based women's group, front for the KKK (4)
  (lineage based women's group = DAR) (front for the KKK = K) = DARK

A DARK clue indeed! Some chocolate that Sweet V bought us in Vienna last month:

• 5D) Allow no migratory French‑speaking person in parts of Europe (7)
  ALLOW NO migratory = WALLOON

This clue reads a little timely, geopolitically. ‘Sup, Walloon. Comment ça va? It's the Walloons and then the Flemish that are the two Belgium trivia chestnuts. Thems, and also Antwerp. Speaking of Antwerps, shout out to our brothers and sisters who played Quest for Glory IV!

• 6D) In Madrid it's very upsetting, but delicious (3)
  upsetting but (delicious = YUM) = MUY

EXCELLENTE! Imagining now the Spanish cuisine that disquiets the mind as it delights the palate. Like those French baby nightingales swallowed whole.

• 9D) One of Donald Trump's words, not loud but angry (4)
  (One of Donald Trump's words = FIRED) not (loud = F) = IRED

Very very smooth, this clue. Even though it requires cultural fluency in DT.

We think that guy is going to win the election. There was a window where she was going to win, but in our view that window has closed. We've passed through the stages of grief, especially including denial, and now we're in acceptance.

shirt designed by Tyler the Creator

But we remain open to a November surprise. This is a weird time to be alive. As Sweet V says, “we live in interesting times. I kinda wish we lived in more boring times.”

Last June, Daniel‑san's partner scoffed at us. “In what universe does the electoral map show him winning?” Mmmmmmmmmow about the electoral map from 2000. How bout the electoral map from 2004. She was unconvinced. But then, she was also a preteen at the start of the W Bush years. It's weird to feel nostalgic for the W Bush years. Weird times.

Ok next clue!

• 14D) Unsuccessful line of clothes? (4)
  Unsuccessful = line of clothes = DUDS
  Unsuccessful line = clothes = DUDS

The disagreement between UNSUCCESSFUL and DUDS forgiven for the simplicity. This was also Sweet V's clutch solve of the puzzle. He took one look, said, “it's DUDS!” then gave us a smooch and said, “my work here is done!”

Per Wise Tyler below, split this into “unsuccessful line” and “clothes”? And the “of” just “disappears”? That's “ok” we “guess.”

• 17D) Aimlessly wandering around a royal flower show (11)
  AIMLESSLY wandering around A (royal = R) = AMARYLLISES

Hat tip to Brother JBLSmith. Mmmmmmmmmm yes a beautiful delicious anagrama of this kind, yes so wonderful, yes our favorite!!

• 23D) Silver bullet mentioned in On the Beach (7)
  (silver = AG) (bullet = ROUND) = AGROUND

Elegant, smooth, tight. Lovely!

• 31D) Olive branches to accept, but leaderless, survive (7)
  OLIVE branches to accept (BUT leaderless = UT) = OUTLIVE

Excellent!

• 33D) Understands, not with help, where a labyrinth was ;(7)
  ((Understands = KNOWS) not (WITH = W) = KNOS) with (HELP = SOS) = KNOSSOS

Shout out to the Minoans, shout out to Crete! Shout out to seventh grade ancient history and mythology!

• 37D) Element created containing oxygen (5)
  (CREATED = BORN) containing (OXYGEN = O) = BORON

Some of you might find periodic table of the elements clues boron', but not us!! More pls!!

• 40D) Head off pursuer of musical theater (not the lead) (5)
  (pursuer of musical theater = JAVERT) not the lead= AVERT

Automatic Highlight for requiring cultural fluency in Le Mis. A little tricky cuz “head off” could also be an indicator.

Lowlights!

• 16A) Feels left out, getting compensation (4)
  FEELS (left = L) out = FEES

Meh. Fee's simple.

• 22A) Spectacular dress with a train and a yoked front (5)
  A (train = RR) and A (YOKED front = Y) = ARRAY

This sounds like a very terrible wedding outfit, some chattel marriage stuff. And TRAIN > RR is muy painful. And SPECTACULAR DRESS > ARRAY is also painful. Pain for everyone.

• 24A) Adore Nymph Errant? Quite the reverse! (5)
  ADORE errant = OREAD

This is that same durn confusorg thing of Quite the reverse! that no one understands and no one likes. And it's also OREAD in the same puzzle as ENNEAD which is gross.

• 32A) President's core value increased a hundredfold in camera (5)
  (President = NIXON) core value increased a hundredfold in = NIKON

So NIXON's core value increased a hundredfold from X = 10 to K = 1000. Barbaric to jump around from Roman numerals to the metric system.

• 43A) Wall decoration with little volume, nothing on either side (5)
  (little VOLUME = VOL) (nothing = O) on either side = OVOLO

Very truly sincerely thought this must be a reference to the uterine wall.

Ovolo (or ovulo) in architecture, is a convex molding known also as the echinus, which in classical architecture was invariably carved with the egg-and-dart ornament. The molding is called a quarter-round by woodworkers. This is not to be conflated with the "echinus" of the Doric capital, as this was of a more varied form and of much larger dimensions than the ovolo, which was only a subordinate molding.

Souce: Weeklypedia

We love the tone of the above paragraph. “not to be conflated.” Don't worry, buds. We won't conflate them. Rest easy.

• 49A) A second occupation takes Chartreuse off the map (5)
  CHARTREUSE off the (map = CHART) = REUSE

Reuse ... like Richard E Maltby Jr and The Listener did with so many of these fill words ohhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Not to mention CHARTREUSE > REUSE is very butt.

• 8D) Propose—to gangland killer? (5)
  gangland killer = OFFER (syn.)

Buh. Enough with OFF, enough with ICE. Enough.

• 10D) Ladies' ending? (3)
  ladieS ending = ESS

Huuuuuu‑whot even is this. Sincerely thought the answer was ASS. We do not understand this clue. Maybe if “Ladies' ending” were an idiom? Then we could forgive purely spelling out the last letter. Like,

• Knots Landing (3)

But maybe we're wrong about the reasoning in this very thin, very gruelish pun? Dear Readers are invited to explain in the Comments. Per Brother JBLSmith, this is likely a reference to the gendered ‑ess suffix. You know, like, stewardess or marquess or comediess, that type'a thing, those super cool words that imply female involvement is non‑normative.

• 19D) Leader of queue—with 10D, an afterthought (3)
  Leader of QUEUE = PEE

And with 10D) ESS to yield PEE ESS as in PS. Not sure how we'd phonetically spell out “Q” but QUEUE seems overwrought. And the definition for this three‑letter nothingness requires … solving another boring three‑letter flimsy fluffer clue. Buh.

• 20D) Music producer in this state raised the scale, right? (11)
  ((in this state = NYS) raised = SYN) THE (scale = SIZED) = SYNTHESIZED

Ohhhhhhh so much to dislike here! New York normativity, for one. New York abbreved NYS for two???? WAHTTT??? What is that. That is a no‑go zone. Even if, as Wise Tyler points out, it is common for to disambiguate from NYC … ok that checks out!

• 28D) Private parts from giants—they're from the colonies (4)
  (PRIVATE = GI) parts from GIANTS = ANTS

We like invoking a giant's genitals haha awesome, but the net is ANTS which is an automatic Lowlight.

• 38D) Film actress endlessly hounded for debts (5)
  endlessly (hounded for debts = DUNNED) = DUNNE

Love dat Irene Dunne!
But we remember DUN from April 2015 and turns out 17 months is too soon for a refry. Thought we were DUN with that.

• 41D) Served tea noisily, having tiny openings (5)
  (Served tea = POURED) noisily = PORED

This was nice and the overuse of TEA would be forgiven except that TEA is overused in this very puzzle as well which is, in a word, gross:

• 47D) Ate unpalatable meal (3)
  ATE unpalatable = TEA

This clue is so sweet and twee! And Bri'ish! Would be fine, like we say, but for TEA in 41D.

Grandma Ian McKellen

• 44D) Gone by a corner, in a board game (3)
  A (board game = GO) = AGO

What's “a corner” doin' there? Filler? Gross.

• 46D) In France, for him it sounds like a royal (3)
  sounds like (a royal = LOUIS) = LUI

This one is “ok” on its own, but in the context of we've a'ready got LOUIE as the unclued 7A this is very butt.

The Tacky

• 35A) Former Mideast leader beheaded—time for rejoicing (8)
  (Former = EX) ((Mideast leader = SULTAN) beheaded = ULTAN) (time = T) = EXULTANT

This is awful. This is like a shitty Charlie Hebdo cartoon in cryptic crossword form.

We've missed you. Come comment :)

Title Search - March 2013

Before we get into the puzzle, first up: our web series launched this week!

Title: BLOGJOB 
Tagline: "Giving blogjobs is a terrible way to make a living." 
Episode 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rObgJH4eJLE

A web series about fake Internet, and the people who write it.

If you like this blog and think it's funny, you should definitely check out the show. And leave comments. And give it thumbs up. And talk about it on your social networks like Faceface, Tweeter, etc.

Episode 2 live this Sunday, March 17th! Or Monday (read: probably Monday).

Ok now for the puzzle.


We picked out an egregious cellphone-ese reference as the tacky clue this month. There was a BRA clue flipping and flopping we coulda gone for instead (low-hanging fruit) (37D, see Lowlights below). But really, the whole darm puzzle was tacky as fack.

The theme: "Title Search": figure out the cute four-word phrase implied by the fill, then follow its instructions. We completed this puzzle, lazily, while riding public transportation down to Hyde Park on Valentine's Day. Ok so about three clues deep into solving, and with the el having traveled not even south of Bryn Mawr (still well on the North Side), we had solved three clues that included "X" in the answer.

"Heh, X marks the spot," we thought to ourself.

More solving, more Xs. Xs forming diagonals through the puzzle. "Wait, really? We were just joking before ... " we thought.

And then, in a plot twist so conventional no one could have predicted it, the spot that X marks? Dead center.

Do you hear that? It's the good citizens of Puzzle Nation muttering, "whoopdy woo."


Except, jk jk, the actual spot marked is the isolated X in the east. Weird. Ok fine. Did not pick up on that.

The "X" theme was audacious and ambitious, and we applaud audacity. But there were many gimme-easy clues in service of ambition. Several outlandish crosses and adjacents. AXIS and MAXIS in the northeast, for instance. SEX and REX and (the nerve!) SEXTUPLET in the center. PIXEL and PIXY in the southwest. ROXY and pROXIEs.

Lotta brands. Lotta repeats from recent puzzles. There were so many Roman numerals s'like Richard E. Maltby, Jr. just  gave up on any other possible way to bring in X, I, or V.

"There's no other way! All roads lead to more Roman numeralzz!!!!!!"
—Richard E. Maltby Jr.

That said, there were a couple of beautiful clues. Lotta wordspanners (hidden clues), and you know we love thems. And much as our BRA got all twisted up about the repeaty crosses, it was nice to see both ORYXES and ELANd. A little wink to Classic Puzzling Antelope Varietals. And several clues exemplary of that highest light we so adore: those that are logical well-formed sentences unto themselves, smooth and perfect. Clues that read like phrases you could find in The New York Times, with the puzzle register only audible to the initiated.

So. Wa'n't all bad.  The good clues salvaged some bits of enjoyment out of the experience, like a couple chocolate chips in an old vat of soy mint ice cream covered in freezer burn.

Highlights!

• 1A) Alien avoiding people repairing phone boxes (10)
  PHONE BOXES * anagram = XENOPHOBES

Oh how we love these beautiful anagrams! Mm! Exquisite :)

• 13A) "Movie theater seating inside"—clear oxymoron (4)
  cleaR OXYmoron = ROXY

Wordspanners. We love.

• 27A) Material expands out! (7)
  EXPANDS * anagram = SPANDEX

Mmm! Highest light! So tight! Beautiful. Sexy. Another brand, tho. Sigh.

Come to think, surprising that "Brand X" doesn't make an appearance in this puzzle. Nor xenomorphs.

Nor any of the other cool XENOs.

• 35A) Storied princess or Australian mummy? (4)
  (Australian = OZ) + (mummy = MA) = OZMA

We first thought this was going to be a reference to Anastasia, last czarina of Russia. But it's better than we hoped! Also love "Oz" = "Aus." Means emphasizing that lazy buzzy "s" in "Australia." Also emphasizes the other-ness of the place. We can't wait to travel there #someday.

• 38A) It's noble when there's nobody back following Sargent's madame (5)
  (Sargent's madame = X) + (nobody = NONE) * (back = reverse) = XENON

Can't do an X theme without XENON! Never hearda John Singer Sargent's Madame X but we were glad when we did. Va va va voom.

• 43A) Announcing choices will, quickly, but that's just part of the picture (5)
  ((choices = PICKS) + (will, quickly = 'LL)) * homophone = PIXEL

This one makes us laugh. "will" = "'ll" YES.

Q. I am a pig; please describe the manner of my performance. 
A. That performance 'll do, pig.

Speaking of which, James Cromwell is this month's Nerd Hot Guy. Boom kaboom, JC!

CROOOOOOoOOOOOOooOOOMMMMMMM!!!!

• 46A) Speaking of eggs, it is way out (4)
  EGGS IT * homophone = EXIT

Ahhhhh dying of awesome! Eggsactly!!!!!

• 19D) Exult when interbreeding with pets to produce a bit of a litter (9)
  (EXULT + PETS) * anagram = SEXTUPLET

Mmm! Beautiful! We exult in this glorious anagram.

• 29D) Quickly, say (7)
  EXPRESS

One of that highest light! Oooh so tight! Run your fingers over it, just: seamless!

Lowlights!

• 18A) One Latin among male and female brewers (7)
  (One = I) + (Latin = L) + (male and female = SEXES) = SILEXES

Like the brand of coffeepots lovingly crafted alongside Proctor. Meh!

• 40A) Cute little thing starting duets for piano and xylophone (4)
  starting duets * (PIano + XYlophone)  = PIXY

We just had a PIXY clue we just had one. In January.

• 48A) Campus luminary, creator of Pyrex (5)
  PYREX * anagram = PREXY

Like the president of a university or college? "Oh prexy, you're so sexy"?

Gross. Always annoying when the "anagram" requires a single letter translation. Like when Lisa Simpson's at that smart girl's house and the smart girl anagrinds "genuine class" out of "Alec Guinness" and then Lisa's supposed to do "Jeremy Irons" and comes up with "Jeremy's ... iron?" She feels so lame, so ashamed. Perhaps she'd be reassured by this clue.

"Prexy" is also like the only possible anagram from "Pyrex" just by running the algorithm of "letters that can be next to each other and yield intelligible sounds to the English language speaker." We know that you know that algorithm. It's very closely related to the "there's only one open square left in the fill but I don't know the answer and now I run through the entire alphabet" algorithm. Always a bad sign when you have to run that one.

• 50A) Mother cut off mold in breakfast food (4)
  (mold = MATRIX) - (Mother = MA) = TRIX

"Mold" as in "pattern" as in "matrix." As in "they broke the mold," which we thought for a loooong time was "they broke them old."

Not that "they broke the mold" makes tremendous sense. Who are "they"? The gods? The nanites? What mold? Are most people "from the mold"? Is the phrase just [yet] an[other] elaborate construction and obfuscation for "I love you"? Or is there a backhanded edge to it, like, "[good thing] they broke the mold [because it would be bad if there were more of you]"?

Anyway.

Trix as in Trix. Brands. Corporations. Culture. Great.

image by deckronomicon

Sigh.

• 1D) Sign of times: psychiatrist's sexual drive is drying up (7)
  (Sign of times = X) + (psychiatrist's sexual drive = EROS) + IS = XEROSIS

It's like excema, maybe? A dry skin thing. An obscure word just cuz of the X theme. Cool clue, bro.
confidential to Maltby: that means "not cool, bro."

• 28D) Upper floor of a ship, third level, say? (4)
  (floor of a ship, third level = DECK C) * homophone = DEXY

"Dexy" as in "uppers" as in dexedrine. First, way to force the homophone.

Also, do people really say "dexy"? We thought people say "dex." Maybe they say "dexy." Dear readers if you take dexy and you say "dexy," then apologies for denying your reality.

• 31D) Thanks to God, just the starter in hockey team cut from video (3)
  VIDEO - (hockey team = VI) = DEO

We like and support hockey players. But this is a weird way to clue "VI." You gotta pass the thought through the following filters:

      hockey team => six people on the team => Roman numeral six => VI

Why not Vi instead?

“People who prefer Emacs never gave Vi a chance ... ”

•  32D) One involved in a row outside that hurts people initially—it can produce a bum steer! (6)
  (One involved in a row = COX) + (that hurts = OW) + (people initially = P)  = COWPOX

Cox & Row like vodka? Like this vodka? Never hearda.

• 37D) They support Westchester's center forward (5)
  (They support = BRAS) + (Westchester's center = H) = BRASH

The bra clue! Just once can we get a JOCKSTRAP can we get a CODPIECE can we get a MANZIERRE can we get male bodies in the puzzle can we get some Y-chromosomal support? Can we?

• 44D) Unofficial news release, not a change in Albania (3)
  (Unofficial news release = LEAK) + (not a = -A) = LEK

We just did lek. We just did it. In, lek, November. UGH we don't lek these repeats!

The Tacky!

• 11D) Big picture shows: statement Bo Derek might have texted?
  IM A (Bo Derek = X) = IMAX

No. Just, no.

Source: IMDB

Bo Derek was not texting in 1979. In the years since, even if she may not have transcended her work in 10 playing the role later reprised by Mena Suvari in American Beauty (modern cognate to 10), and even if she is just as hung up on her flesh-colored one-piece suit as every cultural reference to her is, we guarantee: she has never, ever texted any person "Im a X."

Q: Pls describ yr appearnce.
Bo Derek: Im a X.
Q: IMAX?
BD: No, I'm a TEN. On a scale of 1 to 10.
Q. O y didnt u say so?
BD: Like the movie I was in.
Q. Wot movie?
BD Ten.
Q. U wer in ten movies?

The Memorable Quotes page for "10" on IMDB does not include a single quote from Bo's character. And no good ones for Julie Andrews's character, either. Sigh.

But then, guys don't got it any better. In a world with eyes, we're alla us judged on our faces and bodies. Will Vin Diesel ever be cast as a John Nash?

In other news, homegirl still look good. UR A X BO

Source: Wikipedia

Update on the Smell

For those Dear Readers curious about the weird sweet smell in our apartment: It got worse and worse. It won the fight.  So we're moving into a unit elsewhere in the neighborhood. We had both maintenance guys (Sergio + Edwin) sniff around and explore, but even the majestic nose of Edwin—like that of an Aztec prince—could neither identify the smell nor find its source. We examined the walls with a fluorescent black light hoping for some real CSI-style crime-fighting insight. We gave the radiators another good scrub. We borrowed an air filter. Nothin'.

Thus, after all this time, we're still only in the discovery + speculation phase of smell identification. Here is the speculation tree:

1. something rotting
   • rotting animal Maybe a colony of bees. Maybe a small mammal. Maybe a nest of rats up in the ventilation. The smell isn't really the smell of death, per se.
   • building detritus Like maybe the insulation is rotting? Or maybe it's mold? While this fits with the "chemical-y" smell, it's strange that the maintenance guys wouldn't recognize it. Least likely.
2. something chemical
   • something in the radiators Like something that shouldn't be there? Like anti-freeze? Glycol's gotta sweetness to it. This is also unlikely, since, wouldn't the neighbors smell it? (the neighbors smell nothing)
   • from downstairs Meth lab? Dexy lab? A particularly nasty brand of hookah smoke? Human behavior fits with the random ebb and flow of the smell, the strength of which doesn't correlate well with time of day or change in weather. But then, again, wouldn't the other neighbors smell it? Unless they're all part of the lab. 

What is it! The mystery gnaws at us! We will, of course, update this blog with the answer should it ever come to light. We have Sergio's cell number. He has ours. We'll be in touch.

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