Title Search - March 2013

Before we get into the puzzle, first up: our web series launched this week!

Title: BLOGJOB 
Tagline: "Giving blogjobs is a terrible way to make a living." 
Episode 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rObgJH4eJLE

A web series about fake Internet, and the people who write it.

If you like this blog and think it's funny, you should definitely check out the show. And leave comments. And give it thumbs up. And talk about it on your social networks like Faceface, Tweeter, etc.

Episode 2 live this Sunday, March 17th! Or Monday (read: probably Monday).

Ok now for the puzzle.


We picked out an egregious cellphone-ese reference as the tacky clue this month. There was a BRA clue flipping and flopping we coulda gone for instead (low-hanging fruit) (37D, see Lowlights below). But really, the whole darm puzzle was tacky as fack.

The theme: "Title Search": figure out the cute four-word phrase implied by the fill, then follow its instructions. We completed this puzzle, lazily, while riding public transportation down to Hyde Park on Valentine's Day. Ok so about three clues deep into solving, and with the el having traveled not even south of Bryn Mawr (still well on the North Side), we had solved three clues that included "X" in the answer.

"Heh, X marks the spot," we thought to ourself.

More solving, more Xs. Xs forming diagonals through the puzzle. "Wait, really? We were just joking before ... " we thought.

And then, in a plot twist so conventional no one could have predicted it, the spot that X marks? Dead center.

Do you hear that? It's the good citizens of Puzzle Nation muttering, "whoopdy woo."


Except, jk jk, the actual spot marked is the isolated X in the east. Weird. Ok fine. Did not pick up on that.

The "X" theme was audacious and ambitious, and we applaud audacity. But there were many gimme-easy clues in service of ambition. Several outlandish crosses and adjacents. AXIS and MAXIS in the northeast, for instance. SEX and REX and (the nerve!) SEXTUPLET in the center. PIXEL and PIXY in the southwest. ROXY and pROXIEs.

Lotta brands. Lotta repeats from recent puzzles. There were so many Roman numerals s'like Richard E. Maltby, Jr. just  gave up on any other possible way to bring in X, I, or V.

"There's no other way! All roads lead to more Roman numeralzz!!!!!!"
—Richard E. Maltby Jr.

That said, there were a couple of beautiful clues. Lotta wordspanners (hidden clues), and you know we love thems. And much as our BRA got all twisted up about the repeaty crosses, it was nice to see both ORYXES and ELANd. A little wink to Classic Puzzling Antelope Varietals. And several clues exemplary of that highest light we so adore: those that are logical well-formed sentences unto themselves, smooth and perfect. Clues that read like phrases you could find in The New York Times, with the puzzle register only audible to the initiated.

So. Wa'n't all bad.  The good clues salvaged some bits of enjoyment out of the experience, like a couple chocolate chips in an old vat of soy mint ice cream covered in freezer burn.

Highlights!

• 1A) Alien avoiding people repairing phone boxes (10)
  PHONE BOXES * anagram = XENOPHOBES

Oh how we love these beautiful anagrams! Mm! Exquisite :)

• 13A) "Movie theater seating inside"—clear oxymoron (4)
  cleaR OXYmoron = ROXY

Wordspanners. We love.

• 27A) Material expands out! (7)
  EXPANDS * anagram = SPANDEX

Mmm! Highest light! So tight! Beautiful. Sexy. Another brand, tho. Sigh.

Come to think, surprising that "Brand X" doesn't make an appearance in this puzzle. Nor xenomorphs.

Nor any of the other cool XENOs.

• 35A) Storied princess or Australian mummy? (4)
  (Australian = OZ) + (mummy = MA) = OZMA

We first thought this was going to be a reference to Anastasia, last czarina of Russia. But it's better than we hoped! Also love "Oz" = "Aus." Means emphasizing that lazy buzzy "s" in "Australia." Also emphasizes the other-ness of the place. We can't wait to travel there #someday.

• 38A) It's noble when there's nobody back following Sargent's madame (5)
  (Sargent's madame = X) + (nobody = NONE) * (back = reverse) = XENON

Can't do an X theme without XENON! Never hearda John Singer Sargent's Madame X but we were glad when we did. Va va va voom.

• 43A) Announcing choices will, quickly, but that's just part of the picture (5)
  ((choices = PICKS) + (will, quickly = 'LL)) * homophone = PIXEL

This one makes us laugh. "will" = "'ll" YES.

Q. I am a pig; please describe the manner of my performance. 
A. That performance 'll do, pig.

Speaking of which, James Cromwell is this month's Nerd Hot Guy. Boom kaboom, JC!

CROOOOOOoOOOOOOooOOOMMMMMMM!!!!

• 46A) Speaking of eggs, it is way out (4)
  EGGS IT * homophone = EXIT

Ahhhhh dying of awesome! Eggsactly!!!!!

• 19D) Exult when interbreeding with pets to produce a bit of a litter (9)
  (EXULT + PETS) * anagram = SEXTUPLET

Mmm! Beautiful! We exult in this glorious anagram.

• 29D) Quickly, say (7)
  EXPRESS

One of that highest light! Oooh so tight! Run your fingers over it, just: seamless!

Lowlights!

• 18A) One Latin among male and female brewers (7)
  (One = I) + (Latin = L) + (male and female = SEXES) = SILEXES

Like the brand of coffeepots lovingly crafted alongside Proctor. Meh!

• 40A) Cute little thing starting duets for piano and xylophone (4)
  starting duets * (PIano + XYlophone)  = PIXY

We just had a PIXY clue we just had one. In January.

• 48A) Campus luminary, creator of Pyrex (5)
  PYREX * anagram = PREXY

Like the president of a university or college? "Oh prexy, you're so sexy"?

Gross. Always annoying when the "anagram" requires a single letter translation. Like when Lisa Simpson's at that smart girl's house and the smart girl anagrinds "genuine class" out of "Alec Guinness" and then Lisa's supposed to do "Jeremy Irons" and comes up with "Jeremy's ... iron?" She feels so lame, so ashamed. Perhaps she'd be reassured by this clue.

"Prexy" is also like the only possible anagram from "Pyrex" just by running the algorithm of "letters that can be next to each other and yield intelligible sounds to the English language speaker." We know that you know that algorithm. It's very closely related to the "there's only one open square left in the fill but I don't know the answer and now I run through the entire alphabet" algorithm. Always a bad sign when you have to run that one.

• 50A) Mother cut off mold in breakfast food (4)
  (mold = MATRIX) - (Mother = MA) = TRIX

"Mold" as in "pattern" as in "matrix." As in "they broke the mold," which we thought for a loooong time was "they broke them old."

Not that "they broke the mold" makes tremendous sense. Who are "they"? The gods? The nanites? What mold? Are most people "from the mold"? Is the phrase just [yet] an[other] elaborate construction and obfuscation for "I love you"? Or is there a backhanded edge to it, like, "[good thing] they broke the mold [because it would be bad if there were more of you]"?

Anyway.

Trix as in Trix. Brands. Corporations. Culture. Great.

image by deckronomicon

Sigh.

• 1D) Sign of times: psychiatrist's sexual drive is drying up (7)
  (Sign of times = X) + (psychiatrist's sexual drive = EROS) + IS = XEROSIS

It's like excema, maybe? A dry skin thing. An obscure word just cuz of the X theme. Cool clue, bro.
confidential to Maltby: that means "not cool, bro."

• 28D) Upper floor of a ship, third level, say? (4)
  (floor of a ship, third level = DECK C) * homophone = DEXY

"Dexy" as in "uppers" as in dexedrine. First, way to force the homophone.

Also, do people really say "dexy"? We thought people say "dex." Maybe they say "dexy." Dear readers if you take dexy and you say "dexy," then apologies for denying your reality.

• 31D) Thanks to God, just the starter in hockey team cut from video (3)
  VIDEO - (hockey team = VI) = DEO

We like and support hockey players. But this is a weird way to clue "VI." You gotta pass the thought through the following filters:

      hockey team => six people on the team => Roman numeral six => VI

Why not Vi instead?

“People who prefer Emacs never gave Vi a chance ... ”

•  32D) One involved in a row outside that hurts people initially—it can produce a bum steer! (6)
  (One involved in a row = COX) + (that hurts = OW) + (people initially = P)  = COWPOX

Cox & Row like vodka? Like this vodka? Never hearda.

• 37D) They support Westchester's center forward (5)
  (They support = BRAS) + (Westchester's center = H) = BRASH

The bra clue! Just once can we get a JOCKSTRAP can we get a CODPIECE can we get a MANZIERRE can we get male bodies in the puzzle can we get some Y-chromosomal support? Can we?

• 44D) Unofficial news release, not a change in Albania (3)
  (Unofficial news release = LEAK) + (not a = -A) = LEK

We just did lek. We just did it. In, lek, November. UGH we don't lek these repeats!

The Tacky!

• 11D) Big picture shows: statement Bo Derek might have texted?
  IM A (Bo Derek = X) = IMAX

No. Just, no.

Source: IMDB

Bo Derek was not texting in 1979. In the years since, even if she may not have transcended her work in 10 playing the role later reprised by Mena Suvari in American Beauty (modern cognate to 10), and even if she is just as hung up on her flesh-colored one-piece suit as every cultural reference to her is, we guarantee: she has never, ever texted any person "Im a X."

Q: Pls describ yr appearnce.
Bo Derek: Im a X.
Q: IMAX?
BD: No, I'm a TEN. On a scale of 1 to 10.
Q. O y didnt u say so?
BD: Like the movie I was in.
Q. Wot movie?
BD Ten.
Q. U wer in ten movies?

The Memorable Quotes page for "10" on IMDB does not include a single quote from Bo's character. And no good ones for Julie Andrews's character, either. Sigh.

But then, guys don't got it any better. In a world with eyes, we're alla us judged on our faces and bodies. Will Vin Diesel ever be cast as a John Nash?

In other news, homegirl still look good. UR A X BO

Source: Wikipedia

Update on the Smell

For those Dear Readers curious about the weird sweet smell in our apartment: It got worse and worse. It won the fight.  So we're moving into a unit elsewhere in the neighborhood. We had both maintenance guys (Sergio + Edwin) sniff around and explore, but even the majestic nose of Edwin—like that of an Aztec prince—could neither identify the smell nor find its source. We examined the walls with a fluorescent black light hoping for some real CSI-style crime-fighting insight. We gave the radiators another good scrub. We borrowed an air filter. Nothin'.

Thus, after all this time, we're still only in the discovery + speculation phase of smell identification. Here is the speculation tree:

1. something rotting
   • rotting animal Maybe a colony of bees. Maybe a small mammal. Maybe a nest of rats up in the ventilation. The smell isn't really the smell of death, per se.
   • building detritus Like maybe the insulation is rotting? Or maybe it's mold? While this fits with the "chemical-y" smell, it's strange that the maintenance guys wouldn't recognize it. Least likely.
2. something chemical
   • something in the radiators Like something that shouldn't be there? Like anti-freeze? Glycol's gotta sweetness to it. This is also unlikely, since, wouldn't the neighbors smell it? (the neighbors smell nothing)
   • from downstairs Meth lab? Dexy lab? A particularly nasty brand of hookah smoke? Human behavior fits with the random ebb and flow of the smell, the strength of which doesn't correlate well with time of day or change in weather. But then, again, wouldn't the other neighbors smell it? Unless they're all part of the lab. 

What is it! The mystery gnaws at us! We will, of course, update this blog with the answer should it ever come to light. We have Sergio's cell number. He has ours. We'll be in touch.

Leave a comment. Don't do it because it's right; do it because it feels good.

It's Time - November 2012

Another month, another beautiful, clean puzzle from Richard E. Maltby Jr. We are in danger of needing to change the title of this blog from "Tacky Harper's Cryptic Clues" to "Glorious Harper's Cryptic Clues." Because that's what it was. Glorious.

That said! If we had a sister blog, and if that sister blog were named "Bleeding Heart Liberal Harper's Cryptic Clues," our twisted sister would have much fodder the last few months, and this month in particular.

To the puzzle!

Theme: "It's Time," referring to Things That Happen in November, but also, beautifully, baldly, un-subtley, referring to the USA election and this cover of The Economist from Fall 2008, when even that staid Chicago-school rag knew: it's time. Gobama. Boom kaboom.

fun fact: this cover was magnetized to our refrigerator when we lived in The Cottage in San Francisco. That was back when we subscribed to The Economist instead of Harper's. We've changed, dear readers. We've changed.

Highlights!
O but there were so many o where to begin. There were like 12 or 15 truly exquisite ones this month. Below are the cream of the cream:

• 17A) In a postoperative recovery, get a handle on an organ (4)
  poSTOPerative = STOP
  Like an organ stop. Nice. Wanted it to be MOOG. And then later really really wanted it to be ONAN.

We should mention: here at the TackyHarpersCrypticClues.blogspot.com offices we are sexually frustrated. Just a casual thing for you threes of dear readers to know, and not directed at anyone in particular.

Moving on!

• 18A) Ladies proud of their family name? Fiddle-de-dee! (4)
  (Ladies proud of their family = DAR) + (name = N) = DARN
  "DAR" as in "Daughters of the American Republic." This is one of those smooth clues free of faultlines that we love very best of all. When we encounter one we like to thrillingly caress it with our mind, enjoying how hard and perfect it is. What's that? Why yes, we ARE sexually frustrated. You remembered from five seconds ago! Next!
• 19A) Multifaceted figures curiously hard-nosed about the European Community ... (11)
  (HARD-NOSED (European Community = EC) ) * anagram = DECAHEDRONS
  Usually think of glorious Platonic solid dodecahedron. But forget not the noble decahedron. There's a lot of them kinds. For example:

And as a special treat, here's a video of brilliant Emily Peters talking about the Platonic solids. How do we know that humanity knows them all? EP SPLAINS ALL:

• Shake puzzle constructor by being excluded (4)
  (puzzle constructor = MALTBY) - BY = MALT
  YESssssss! We believe that in all our years of Harper's cryptics, we had yet to before see Richard E. Maltby Jr. indulge in inserting himself into the puzzle, exercising a near Will Shortzian restraint. just kidding: Shortz is like Darth Vader; he doesn't need to sign his name to the Force, he is become the Force. clarifying: we mean that Will Shortz is like unto Darth not in evil, but in raw badassery.
• 37A) Condition coarsens in blacked-out states (8)
  COARSENS anagram = NARCOSES
  Not quite as smooth as that DAR clue, but still. So smooth! (fingers spider touch over it) (cf S'Touching)
• 38A) Person in a service van many rent (4, 3)
  (VAN MANY) * anagram = NAVY MAN
  Delicious. And shout out to our longtime friend and former roommate Commander Tofer of the Naval Reserves, currently stationed in Djibouti. Your booty? No. Djibouti. Yusssssss.
• 32A) Lose liquid, missing a piece of Albanian bread (3)
  (lose liquid = LEAK) missing A = LEK
  Yes. "Lek" is one of thems words where we don't know that we know it, until it's there and we clearly know it, somehow embedded amongst the deep nuggets of the mind.

Lowlights!

• 9A) To be produced by spoken voice, that's the end of poetry (5)
  spokEN VOIce = ENVOI
  "envoi" what da hayck is that word? Something in poetry. Fine whatever. Thought for a long time it would be ENNUI and some kinda subtle, knowing dig on poets, in the way only a fellow traveler can give a subtle, knowing dig. Negator, friends. Negator.
• 11A) Make unholy concoction from rue Gâteaux (10)
  RUE GATEAUX anagram = EXAUGURATE
  Sigh. The Free Dictionary says it's a synonym for "unhellow." Great, what's "unhellow" oh hey guess what none found. Cool word, guys!
• 28D) Philippine tree, English lime, grafted together (5)
  (English = E) + LIME = ELEMI
  The puzzle qualified this as one of the rare words. Meh. More like lazy vowel-disproportionate words. Ooh, sick burns, Maltby! Sick burns from TackyHarpersCrypticClues.blogspot.com.

And now we address our favorites!

The pink!

• 25D) Hey dude! The goal in mating is getting into bondage! (6)
  (Hey dude = YO) + (The goal in mating = KING) = YOKING

Yes. One thousand yes. This is not the first time bondage has appeared in the Harper's cryptic. And this isn't even one of those teasers that insinuates something dirty and then pulls out. No, this one's a pleaser.

The seafoam green!

• 33A) Savings plan question: Was this something worth fighting for?
  (Savings plan = IRA) + (question = Q) = IRAQ (!!!)
  Holy smokes. Was Iraq something worth fighting for? SICK BURNS FROM MALTBY, USA. Sick burns. 

BleedingHeartLiberalHarpersCrypticClues.blogspot.com would be having a field day with this one! Jus ad bellum, casus belli, &c. They'd be spittling out Latin as fast as they could type with their juicy fat fingers. Stereotypes.

And that does it for this month! Will winking references to positive consensual BDSM relationships continue to replace tacky/sexist/racist clues? We can but hope.