Cool news at TackyHarpersCrypticClues headquarters: we've seen a surge in web traffic! But thus also a surge in spam comments. It's always flattering, the spam. The first sentence is usually, like, “WOW!! This blog is packed with great info!!!” and we blush with pleasure.
The second sentence is, like, “Web sluxuriant krazee moriaty mosgrove acquittal Affiliate marketing.” Then a link to some dum spam site.
But popularity with robots is still popularity! You know that old show biz saying: “first the bots, then the masses.”
… why, yes. We do consider this blog to be under the ægis of show biz.
A four‑quadrant construction with four fifteeners as lattices. We're told in the instructs that 1) is an across lattice so that the solution is unique. Ok.
Sweet V's solve of VIDEOCONFERENCE and early successes with quadrant C led to some speculative fill and good guesses. Final quadrants:
QUADRANT B
QUADRANT D
QUADRANT A
QUADRANT C
How does the title QUO VADIS relate to this Theme? We do not know, Dear Readers. Uncle Google says QUO VADIS means “where are you going?” in Latin and that it's also the titles of a buncha media including a 1951 film starring six‑time Oscar nominee Deborah Kerr. This is a surprising descrip on the 1924 film:
Watch the Apostles and other followers like Saul preach the gospel and spread the message of love and hope in this high quality entertaining animated feature for your kids and family.
That wholesome animated feature is out of step with mostQuo Vadi, which reference Peter feeling afraid in Italy and high‑tailin it outta Rome to escape the toxic murderous climate against Christians. But on the way out he encounters Christ. And Pete asks, “quo vadis?” And his Prince of Peace answers, “o, not much, I'm going back to Rome to be re‑crucified.” And Pete is like, “o. I'm a coward.” So then he goes back to Rome where soon afterward the Romans crucify him upside down.
The grid construction definitely looks kinda Roman architectural agora'y. So maybe that's the idea. Dear Readers are of course invited to speculate further in the comments!
The fifteeners:
1) This one is our pick for Tacky Clue, see below
2) She invoices sums, concealing monkey business (15)
SHE INVOICES SUMS * anagram = MISCHIEVOUSNESS
Glorious anagrama! “concealing” as anagrind is a little funny but forgiven because anagram (anagram!!). Got hung up several rounds thinking it would be a female quant, like ACCOUNTRESS or similar.
US Fed Reserve Chair Janet Yellen
3) Solving the problem when basketball player has this? l;(15)
TROUBLE SHOOTING (double syn)
Sweet! Alla the B boys and B girls have trouble shooting the B ball sometimes.
4) Communication, if CEO reconvened organization? (15)
IF CEO RECONVENED organization = VIDEOCONFERENCE
Another wonderful anagram! Altho video conferencing introduces communications problems as it solves them. cf this tweet:
An Academic Skype Conversation A. "I still can't see you." B. "Let me just try something." A. "I'll just call you." B. "Can you see me now."
Alla the resta the clues were sevensies, so we'll omit the letter count.
Highlights!
5) Here's the dish: knight is back to going both ways
((knight = SIR) is back = RIS) TO going both ways = RISOTTO
Loved this. Like: bisexual Lancelot! Caught between his love of Guin and his passíon for Arthur! Yes please! Twas also the first solve of the puzzle for us.
6) Cannabis, you are it! It's found by the pound!
(Cannabis = HASH) (you are it = TAG) = HASHTAG
Whoa! Weren't expecting this! Expected CANNABIS = POT, expected “found by the pound” = “lost dog” or similar. Did not expect a Modern Social Media™ reference!
9) Drag out gag that appears on street
(gag = RETCH) appears on (street = ST) = STRETCH
Got rull hung up thinking this was an anagram of DRAG OUT (TUG ROAD?).
11) Squabble's royal focal point: putting underwear on backward
(royal = R) (focal point = HUB) (putting (underwear = BRA) backwards = ARB) = RHUBARB
Have probably learned then forgotten that RHUBARB can mean interpersonal conflict many times, the way that on at least a dozen occasions we've learnt then forgotten the name of Rick Allen, one‑armed drummer from Def Leppard. It's like being caught in a time loop. The only way to break free of the loop is a goofy mnemonic. In this case, we pretend that Rick Allen is the goofy British cousin of American film and TV star Tim Allen. And that does the trick. We have thus escaped the time loop.
But buh, any time BRA shows up it's a small unkind cut. A crappy underwire that poked through.
13) Pitt abs developed by one immersed in worship
PITT ABS * anagram = BAPTIST
Wonderful! PITT ABS was obvious anagram fodder, but that natural definition portion and double meaning of “immersed” is v nice!
14) A tropical theme plays cleverly in Company
PLAYS cleverly in (company = CO) = CALYPSO
Mmm nice! Thinking about Murphy Brown and how Murph haaaaaaated Barry Manilow's music. But then Barry Manilow appeared on the show and played piano for her, and she loved it.
15) I'm a fruit—get out of the office!
IM (a fruit = PEACH) = IMPEACH
Argh! So torn on this clue! We love it for its cluing, but find the narrative tacky. More fantasies of queeny dictatorial types. Fantasies of oppressive queers. Of course as is always the case, we learn something new about the fantasizer.
16) Material that's sized for two male animals
two male animals = BUCK RAM = BUCKRAM
Mwa! Delectable and delightful! Wonderful! Reminded of the pilot episode of Quantum Leap. One of Sam's cues that he has legit traveled beyond the veil is seeing the Burma‑Shave ads on the highway. And oh! The idea itself for these ads! Using the fact of cars and driving to generate comedic timing in an otherwise static format. Glorious.
23) Strange Latvian game
LATVIAN * anagram = VALIANT
Took a little research to believe that “valiant” = “game” but yuh, this is nice! And of course much enjoy the neatness of a three‑word clue. Here's a video of some Romanian kids playing “lapte gros.” Sortof a leap frog Red Rover thing. A structured outlet for physical aggression, which we generally approve of.
26) One dangerously wild flower in the Mideast, they say
(flower in the Mideast = TIGRIS) they say = TIGRESS
Ahhhh!!! YASS! Shoutout to the crable of cibilization, the mighty Tigris and Euphrates!! Shoutout to Billy Blake and the Tyger burning bryght. So sweet and delicious.
27) Contract to form brigade
form BRIGADE = ABRIDGE
Nice fresh use of “contract” as opposite of “dilate.” Delish.
28) Find us tragically enthralled by housecleaner? Just the opposite!
FinD US TRAGically = DUSTRAG
Glorious, daring wordspanner! “Find us” made us think of Findus the cat, beloved character from the picture books of our young cousin‑by‑marriage Ioana. Findus is a curious and mischievous black and white cat, always getting into trouble. Standard beloved childhood picture book stuff :) And super‑compelling character design:
Lowlights!
7) Makes new catalogues for big hotels
Makes new catalogues = RE‑SORTS = RESORTS
Thought this would be the proper noun of the puzzle, like RAMADAS or RESEDAS or similar. “Makes new” had us thinking of RENEWS or RE‑. Bland payoff.
8) Mass movement gone crazy—there's rot in it!
crazy ROT IN IT = INTROIT
Church words. Meh. No benediction here.
Pope Francis drops his latest mixtape in Bangui, Central African Republic
10) How Italians keep their cool and not riot when provoked
NOT RIOT when provoked = TORTONI
Uh. What is a tortoni? Never hearda. Thinking now of Signor Eco and Foucault's Pendulum and plenny of Italian riots. This clue also smacks of respectability politics, which, buh. What's so great about being good and shutting up and taking it from the System? What's so great about the status quo.
12) Exercises that are the same going up or down?
PULLUPS
Because PULLUP reversed is PULLUP. Irritatingly, PULLUPS ≠ SPULLUP.
18) Unbounded and friendless but not at the end of the week
FRIENDLESS but not (at the end of the week = FRI) = ENDLESS
So many things. Let's start with FRIENDLESS => ENDLESS nyoooooh. No no‑no. No!! And Friday is not the end of the week. Saturday is the end of the week. Maybe Sunday. You could play a “work week.” You could play a “start of Shabbos.” You could win us over playing this as an Islam‑normative week. In which case this becomes a Highlight.
19) Plays with dialogue—initially I would bring up Rosebud e.g.
(DIALOGUE initially = D) (I WOULD = I'D) (bring up (ROSEBUD e.g. = SLED) = DLES) = DIDDLES
“Diddles” is a gross word. Mainstream lexica jibe with this “plays with” definition, but in practice, in the real world, on the streets, we've only heard DIDDLES in the context of sexual touch. And generally unwanted sexual touch. Gross.
21) Northern riots broken up, left where there's a passing of wind
(Northern = N) RIOTS broken up (left = L) = NOSTRIL
24) In Italy, everything from three on is late!
In Italy everything from three on = OVER DUE = OVERDUE
Boo. Boo to Itanglish. Thought it was the Italian word for “everything” which we figured was TUTTI, so then we were agonizing over manipulating TUTTI. Anyway. Dumb.
The Tacky
1) Frank: a gay soccer team won't hire him! (15)
STRAIGHT FORWARD (double syn.)
Um ok so um wut? Let's be real, the criteria a gay soccer team is likely to set for Hetero Frank qua new forward are:
does he want to play on our gay soccer team?
is he any good? (optional)
and maaayyyyyyyyybe there'd be, “he knows, right, that we're a gay soccer team? Just so it's super clear.”
But certainly
get outta here breeder cuz it's gays only, Frank!!!!!!!
would, like, not come up. This is a weird lil fantasy about Queer Orthodoxy, which definitely exists in perverse and unnatural environments like San Francisco. But not even everywhere in San Francisco, just specific communities and gayborhoods.
Most gay clubs in our experience are like the Palm Springs Gay Men's Chorus:
Non‑Discrimination Statement
The Palm Springs Gay Men's Chorus does not discriminate in it's[sic] employment practices on the basis of: race/ethnicity, color, creed, national origin, ancestry, sexual orientation, gender, gender self‑identification, age, disability, veteran status, religion, or political beliefs.
You don't hafta be gay or a man. There just aren't enough gay hobbyists to get uptight about identity.
This is really a fantasy that a gay soccer team would be as shitty and discriminatory as non‑gay soccer teams are. Which, semantically they would be more inclusive but in live real world practice, not so much.
Don't worry, we'll fix it:
Blunt, neat, and fresh (15)
“neat” as in “one scotch: neat” or “one scotch: STRAIGHT.”
“fresh” as in “Marvin! Don't get fresh! [slap]” or “Marvin! How FORWARD of you!”
Hello, Dear Readers! Are you ready for puns obscene and filfy in their puntacularity? Are you ready for some audacious head canon from Richard E Maltby Jr? Then you are ready for February 2016.
The Theme!
Four clues given without number of letters, and four possible locations in the fill. A resultant theme‑relevant sentence running around the perimeter. The theme clues turned out to be: not classic cryptic clues per se but rather set‑ups for some outrageous punnery themed around children's books. At first glance of the puzzle title we thought, sortof as a joke, that the theme would point to Harry Potter. Then we saw clue c) which references Severus Snape, and o shit! For real there's some Harry Potter up in here!
a) Bear stage = POOHBERTY
b) Like a deer that goes either way? = BAMBIDEXTROUS
c) Severus Snape, speculatively? = POTTER FAMILIAS* * more on thissun inna sec
d) Wild elephant acts? = BABARISM
And the meaningful perimeter sentence:
Stastically speaking, six out of seven dwarves are not happy.
Except we had it wrong, Dear Readers, and entered “six of the seven”:
All the crosses work, except 41A starting with EIACR_ which is just piffle. Twas there an error? Twould there be yet another apology in the upcoming answer key? Twould not. Twerror was twours this twime.
Obv we didn't check against the dum anagram. Didn't even consider “out of” but it definitely reads more natural. “Nine out of ten doctors agree” blah blah. Definitely. Thus 41A becomes sensible and solveable, yea tho it be anachronism:
41A) Old‑time hack providing back lot, perhaps (6)
((providing = IF) back = FI) (lot = ACRE) = FIACRE
But so ok that's settled, so now going back to c) and ok so whoa, just, whoa. Whoa. Slow your roll, slow your heart rate. Whoa. Ok. So in order to solve this puzzle one must entertain Maltby's wild speculation that Severus Snape is Harry Potter's dad???
This claim is so far out there, we wouldn't even tag it a SPOILER. Maltby is a Snape Daddy Truther. Interestingly, in poking around Quora and Yahoo! Answers posts for more information (“information”) we came across this passage lifted from Harry Potter and the Half‑Blood Prince:
Ok but then so next question, Prof Slughorn: when you say “father,” to whom exactly do you refer and WHAT DO YOU REALLY KNOW?????
Do you feel that, Dear Readers? That was a shift in the Force as we, too, became a Snape Daddy Truther. Potter Familias. It makes so much sense! Not vis á vis the million jillion times when one of James's contemporaries tells Harry, “zomg you look exactly like him so cray.” But narratively. Like in a Campbell Masks of G0d archetypal human stories sense. Like if we were writing Harry Potter as a TV show, this would totally be our second season reveal, not long after a mid‑season reveal that James was a shitty bully in high school**. ** which is, of course, actual canon
We floated clue c) to our friends Clara, Dr Jesse, and Auntie Maim. All declared it “tacky.” Auntie also called it “wildly inappropriate.”
Puzzle‑wise, or unwise, we much dislike balancing a heavy load of uncrossed theme letters with “well but they form this anagram so that's how you can check.” Meh.
Highlights!
12A) Bird track (4)
Bird = track = RAIL
Hadna hearda this birda before, but forgiven for the neatness of a two‑word cryptic clue! Double syns of this nature are our new second favorite, directly after anagrams of course :)
13A) Arthur, for one; Teddy, not quite (3)
(Teddy = BEAR) not quite = BEA
Automatic true love for reference to Grandpa Bea Arthur, rest in peace.
Did you know she was in the Star Wars Holiday Special??
16A) With a zeal, I cut ingredients to make concrete (9)
ZEAL I CUT * anagram = ACTUALIZE
So strong. Of course especially love potential anagrinds like CUT used instead to form the anagram. Mwa!
18A) She left a chair for meatier diversion (7)
MEATIER * anagram = EMERITA
Yas! Positive female presence in the puzzle! Twas a lotta that in this puzzle, actually. Perhaps the feminist yawp of Tacky Harper's Cryptic Clues has been heard??
27A) Clothing that has an adversarial position (4)
adverSARIal = SARI
Seeni sari often in the puzzle, but thumbs up for inclusive “clothing” rather than ethnically coded “Indian clothing” or “Eastern clothing” &c. Clothing of the people. Human normative. We had the first S in the fill and wanted this to be SCON, somehow. Like “adversarial position” = CON.
32A) Director who made Isadora right size in a new format (5)
(right = R) SIZE in a new format = REISZ
Fun! Some Dear Readers may recall that we're in the pool of potential Jeopardy! contestants until April 2017. We study every day. Some names and topics seem to come up disproportionately frequently in American trivia. That means, “we've seen them more than twice in the last six months.” Offa top those topics include:
the author Sinclair Lewis
Don Quixote
Isadora Duncan
&c.
We try to maintain at least “first paragraph of Wikipedia” knowledge about each of these. Isadora was an early 20th century French dancer. She was a fashionable Communist and she wore big red scarves, but the scarves were what killed her when one wrapped around the axle of her car. And then Grandpa Gertrude Stein said, “affectations can be dangerous.” Fuck yes, Gertrude Stein :) We love that bitch.
Had never heard of Reisz but it's always good to collect more intel on Isadora D.
36A) Head of trainees gets A‑minus for “Oscillating Wave” (7)
(Head of trainees = T) gets A MINUS for oscillating = TSUNAMI
Nice. Thought for a long time this would be term from high school physics, ending in, like, ‑IUS or ‑NUS. Like HERTZ or something. This paragraph is where we reveal how little we remember of high school physics.
38A) Rework G.O.P. script—reach for representing all colors (14)
Rework GOP SCRIPT REACH = SPECTROGRAPHIC
O FOCK YES!! O GLORY YES!! This was a sweet anagrama. The only longy of its kind this puzzle, but so sweet and worthy. This was also the big solve this month courtesy husband Sweet V. Also a fun narrative. Reach for it, Republican buddies! Big tent, buddies! All the colors. Flip the script. Try.
50A) Group of rocket scientists, left of a wind tunnel (5)
(Group of rocket scientists = NASA) (left = L) = NASAL
HAHAHA this is a fun way to get “nose.” Incongruency of “wind tunnel” (noun) and “nasal” (adj) is forgiven! Dear Readers are invited to quibble with us on this point in the Comments.Per Wise Tyler below, the “of” makes the definition side adjectival. Wise Tyler knows nose!
1D) A pop group, Ache (4)
ACHE * anagram = EACH
Was hung up for a long time that this was “pop” as in “soda” (what's up to my brothers and sisters in the Middle West!!) and that there might exist something like HECA, sortof a sister soda to NEHI. Woops. Also, Ache is a great name for a pop group! Gratuitous pic of mother Poly Styrene:
This was just so nice. And gross. Our dark secret is sometimes we like things that are gross.
6D) The enemy, song without end (4)
(song = THEME) without end = THEM
Fresh reference to the notion of Other! Separation is inherently antagonistic. Yas.
7D) Power found in the gem onyx (8)
tHE GEM ONYx = HEGEMONY
A daring word‑spanner! Hiding in plain slight! And a reference to stones of power, cf every anime ever, most excellent :)
8D) Rattles used in the style of royal address for women (6)
(in the style = A LA) (royal = R) (address for women = MS) = ALARMS
Ahhhh!!!!! YES! Unqualified apolitical “women” qua “Ms” which is wonderful to see! Could this be the most feminist Harper's cryptic crossword puzzle yet?
9D) Brownie mix, mostly—an ingredient in tart (5)
(MIX mostly = IX) an ingredient in (tart = PIE) = PIXIE
Yass!! Shout out to Brother Kevin Pollak and Brother Rick Overton, brownies from Willow.
19D) Leave time for Christmas morning—pressure comes later (6)
(time for Christmas = December = DEC) (morning = AM) (pressure = P) = DECAMPS
Raise yer hand if you were expecting NOEL to rear her head [raises hand]. V nice surprise instead.
Our parents' dog Hank is a chewer and destroyer of toys. For Christmas this year we bought Hank a plushy shark toy made from special multi‑ply fibers. The lady at the pet store swore that no dog could chew through it. Hank loved his shark and ripped it apart within ten minutes. We showed video footage of the carnage to the lady at the pet store. She was not satisfactorily bashful. She offered to give us a fresh replacement shark. “You don't get it. Nothing in this store is strong enough,” we thought and did not say.
20A) Endorsement (obscure) seen at the front of book? (5)
(obscure = BLUR) seen at the (front of book = B) = BLURB
So nice! So excellent for so many reasons! Ah just the tightness of book blurbs and book‑as‑in‑letter‑B. So good.
22A) Works in tips from regulars under buddy system (4)
tips from Regulars Under Buddy Sstem = RUBS
Wonderful! Thought it was DUOS for a while (buddies). Couldn't shake the image of Hall & Oates. You ever get that? The clue evokes an image that sticks?
personal story about working things in, rubbing
Our husband Vlad, aka Sweet V, aka The Sweet One, has many beautiful features (physical, spiritual, intellectual) and is super chill about them all (such chillness only compounding his beauty) … except for the softness of his feet. He is totally vain about how soft his feet are. Only good socks and the comfiest of shoes for the Sweet Feet! In contrast, our feet are quite dry and rough. The other night while sitting barefoot in the easy chair, we heard our heel FRIPPPP against the fabric. Yes, as if our feet were covered in rough Velcro. “That's it!” we said, and went in Internet search of a solution. This Marine's review of Dr Scholl's was charming, promising:
5.0 out of 5 stars • Afghanistan Tested, Me Approved, July 12, 2011
I have recommended this product to MANY Marines (males as well) and every single one of them felt the difference.
23D) Hunks involved in holdups? (5)
STUDS (double syn.)
WOOT! Wut's up, sexualized male body? What, is up.
Dear Readers who follow us in real life may already be familiar with our blow‑by‑blow of Magic Mike 2 as understood from watching on a plane without headphones or subtitles. For those that read this blog for our writing style and sense of humor, rather than strictly for a post mortem of the Harper's puzzle, here is a clicky linky to said post: http://ericaricardo.com/blog-151230.php
35D) Abbreviated birthday basket for farm horse (6)
(abbreviated (birthday = date of birth) = DOB) (basket = BIN) = DOBBIN
What's up to the fam, what's up to the farm. Hadn't heard of “dobbin” before, but we like!
37D) Hello! I'm going after a fish! (3)
(Hello! = HI) going after A = AHI
Oh this was nice! So sweet and silly! Use of over‑frequent puzzle fish AHI forgiven!
40D) A neat organization is a healthy company! (5)
A NEAT organization = AETNA
We interpret this as a dark joke about health insurance corporate giants as “healthy companies” … haha NOT!
44D) Intuit conclusions drawn from Jung or Otto Frank (4)
conclusions drawn from JunG oR OttO FranK = GROK
Love grok. Every puzzle should have grok. Even if Stranger in a Strange Land has what we interpret as generally oppressive gender and sexuality orthodoxy. There's of course this ultra‑discouraging line said by Jill:
“Nine times out of ten, if a girl gets raped, it's at least partly her own fault.”
Another good example, again pinned on Jilly‑Jill:
Jill... had explained homosexuality, after Mike had read about it and failed to grok—and had given him rules for avoiding passes; she knew that Mike, pretty as he was, would attract such. He had followed her advice and had made his face more masculine, instead of the androgynous beauty he had had. But Jill was not sure that Mike would refuse a pass, say, from Duke—fortunately Mike's male water brothers were decidedly masculine, just as his others were very female women. Jill suspected that Mike would grok a 'wrongness' in the poor in-betweeners anyhow—they would never be offered water.
Maybe these views were meant to be only those of ol' backwards silly Jilly? But so the other characters don't get on her case about it when she says that shit. In our Stranger in a Strange Land fan fiction of course such shit does not fly.
47D) A special killer (3)
A (special = SP) = ASP
Nice and neat! Tight tight tight! And many thanks for the reference to ASP without mention of Yas Queen Cleo.
Lowlights!
17A) Spell “a millimeter” upon entering? What for? (6)
A (millimeter = MM) entering (What for = WHY) = WHAMMY
A “whammy” is a spell? Like a witch's spell? Like as in a span of time, like, “I need to sit for a spell”? [looks it up] Ok so like a witch's spell, interesting:
whammy
noun wham•my
: something (such as a magical spell) that causes someone to have bad luck
24A) A lot of athletes swarm to the left (4)
(swarm = TEEM) to the left = MEET
Like a swim meet? [harsh Cockney accent] “Staht swimmin, then! The lot o' you!!”
25A) In broken line, train little Helen (6)
broken LINE (train = EL) = NELLIE
Whoa, Nellie. Never heard of this diminutive for Helen but that's fine. Our beef is with “train” = “el” for the millionth. Even if it gives us cause to reference our all‑time ever forever favorite scene from The Fugitive aka Play That Back I Wanna Hear the Sounds of an Elevated Train aka Don't Ever Argue with the Big Dog; Big Dog's Always Right:
26A) Ward off untoward word in the Bible (4)
WARD off untoWARD = UNTO
Barf. Couching this in the feeblest of idiom doesn't disguise the overly simple charade. Ai yi yi [for an eye].
30A) County leader replaced by second‑level liberality (6)
COUNTY leader replaced by (second‑level = B) = BOUNTY
Bro, so like, COUNTY and BOUNTY even rhyme, bro. Bro. It's not even like BROTHER to FROTHER. How about COUNTY to MOUNTS, and make that crossing 22D RUBS instead change to RUMS. And then how about this clue:
County center in a lady's magazine about horses (6)
Just a reminder and FYI, literally any time Harper's is in need of help with clues, just send us an email attached to a PayPal donation :)
34A) Bull breaks into lodge that's packed (7)
(Bull = OX) breaks into (lodge = EMBED) = EMBOXED
Um, so “bull” ≠ “ox” starting with: “ox” can be male or female; “bull” is necessarily male.
The differences continue:
1. The oxen are draft or pulling animals, usually used for cart transportation, or to pull plows.
2. While both are part of the bovine family, the oxen are a sub-genus of the male cattle, or bull.
3. Oxen are castrated, and breeding is more controlled and selective.
4. The typical ox is larger than the typical bull.
5. The ox and the bull have similar, yet unique, genetic DNA codes.
6. While they maintain religious and ethnic symbolism, they are often heralded separately.
More importantly, EMBOXED is justa dum word. Save it for the Scrabbo board, where bulls*it ‑ED words with a medial X belong.
48A) Old Chinese bread—there's a story to be told here (4)
(story = TALE) to be told here = TAEL
We remember TAEL from an earlier puzzle (Honorable Mention - November 2014) which, ok, after a year that's fine to pull a refry. But TALE => TAEL is just very butt. At least give us a TAIL at least a homophone that, like, uses different letters. And if you weren't bored and dead by 48A, here's 49A for more of similar:
49A) Where to put elements taken from soil? (4)
SILO (pun)
“elements”? That's what the corn and the wheat and … ok. Unless we're mistaken, and we often are, this is one of the hermaphroditic ourobouri clues that consumes itself, both parts in one. Which is fine, but SOIL => SILO? These single letter translations make us SO IL(L).
2D) Astringent person who went to college (4)
Astringent = person who went to college = ALUM
Simple double syn. Enjoy the phrase “astringent person” but otherwise this was meh. Not as meh as the next clue, tho! Beholt:
3D) It's necessary to feel yet hard to grasp (4)
fEEL Yet = EELY
Much as a chef might re‑use old fish as part of a stew, this read as an attempt to make the over‑frequent entry EEL seem new and fresh. With the right chef such attempt might be successful, but often it just stinks.
31D) A number of layers—that could be plenty (3‑3)
could be PLENTY = TEN‑PLY
What number? Oh, just “a” number. Buh! We're curious about what ten‑ply creation is imagined here? Cardboard? Toilet paper? A shark toy that even Hank could not take apart?
39D) Two thirds of league breaks up—someone in Britain appears (4)
(Two thirds of LEAGUE = LEAG) breaks up = GAEL
Uh. The sun set on the British Empire, thanks. Here's our favorite Gael, tho [this month's Nerd Hot Guy]:
42D) Golfer Aoki is a nothing (4)
IS A (nothing = O) = ISAO
Uh, whut? Isao Aoki, World Golf Hall of Famer with a generous name fulla vowels, is a “nothing”? Gross!
The Tacky
29D) My friend in the hood gets colic, turning green (8)
(My friend in the hood = BRO) gets COLIC turning = BROCCOLI
Um. How about “my urban friend” how about “my black friend” how about just say what you mean. Buh. “the hood.” Gross.
Welcome to the New Year, Dear Readers! US election years are leap years. That's because US electoral politics make us want to leap off a cliff. Just kidding. Kindof.
For those interested, we posted our 2016 Resolutions [Fantasies]. Though, we still believe that the most important goal is “fuck goals.” Freedom up here [taps forehead].
To the Puzzle!
There was an error in the grid structure, cf red marks above. Getting sloppy, boys.
In the leather‑bound study of an Upper East Side brownstone Maltby shakes awake, dangerously jostling the tumbler of scotch balanced between his thighs. There it is again: a knock at the door, young and proud.
“It's Zander, of The Listener!” He's early. How irritating. Xavier of The Whisper, and Maurice of Le Mot: they know not to wake him. Cornjulian of Das Aegis, and Patrick of Flemish Gavot: same. Because they understand patience. Command of thineself.
“Door's open!” shouts Maltby, and Zander struggles at the knob.
“I can't—it's locked!” says Zander, muffled behind the oak. Maltby chuckles. The scotch trembles.
“No, it's unlocked. Try again.” And Zander of The Listener struggles, and Maltby watches, and sips.
The Theme!
It's “House of Cards,” as in a pun on “funny people.” The first unclued is the category (“FUNNY BUSINESS”) and the seven unclueds are names of jesters and stuff, generally archaic or Euro medieval or antiquated.
merry-andrew (n.)
"a buffoon; a zany; a jack-pudding" [Johnson], originally "mountebank's assistant," 1670s, from merry + masc. proper name Andrew, but there is no certain identification with an individual.
We've only heard of “mummer” in the context of our mom's Loreena McKennitt CDs, phase. Our impression from the cover art was that a mummer is like one of the ghost kings in Return of the King. Cuz, look. Right?
mum•mer
noun
an actor in a traditional masked mime, especially of a type associated with Christmas and popular in England in the 18th and early 19th centuries.
a pantomimist.
12A) She might make you a tuna melt! (4)
TUNA * anagram = AUNT
Delicious! Clean! Natural language! Mwa! Kicking off the puzzle with such a tight tasty snack!
13A) Chewing gum, a base occupation for Americans (4)
GUM A * anagram = GUAM
Shout out to Guam, shout out to our old friend Dr Ramos. Shout out to drawing attention to American occupation.
23A) Sets aside skins? By the sound of it! (6)
(skins = DEFURS) * homophone = DEFERS
We liked this one! Probably mainly because it invokes fur and thus invokes furries.
28A) Upper-class, but I'm back on the outside. Lanai is the closest thing to it (4)
(Upper-class = U) ((I'M = I AM) back = MAI) on the outside = MAUI
Fresh use of LANAI. What's up geography! Frowning at I'M =>I AM, tho. Dear Readers invited to supply alternate logic on this answer in th'commentz.
30A) Whip up a canapé that serves everyone (7)
A CANAPE * anagram = PANACEA
Mwa. Delicious anagrama. Dear Readers, did you know that our senior year we starred as Pseudolus in our high school's production of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum? Believe. We had been hoping for the part of the whoremistress. Our being cast as the lead caused some stress with our high school sweetheart, who very fairly believed that he was the clear choice for Pseudolus. And that, Dear Readers, was the last time we dated someone with whom we were in direct competition.
Anyway we bring this up because one of the harem girls is named “Panacea,” and Forum was the first time we eva-eva heard that word.
32A) Aid in digesting a negative review, certain to be corrected (10)
((negative review = PAN) + CERTAIN) * anagram = PANCREATIN
Initially thought this was PANCREATIC. Nice to have a big medical word in the puzz.
39A) Case study? It gives little weight to damage (7)
(little weight = GRAM) + (damage = MAR) = GRAMMAR
Delightful! Currently we are studying Romanian using Pimsleur's excellent conversation training. Having studied French, German, and Japanese, Pimsleur's method is by far the fastest method of spoken language study we've ever used. But, as we discover when we take our new skills out for a spin with our Romanian husband, the speed sacrifices depth of grammatical/syntactic understanding. Which, such understanding Sweet V assures us can only be learned by rote in a classroom setting over the course of years. Then he mentions “declensions” and our brain shuts off.
We have a much stronger appreciation now of English as a robust and comprehensible language. English: impossible to spell, but simple to speak and understand. For instance, if we said to you, “we loves you,” you'd notice the conjugation error, but you wouldn't be, like, confused. Whereas the equivalent error in Romanian would obliterate meaning. “Who loves whom? And when? I don't understand …”
On the other hand, Romanian: easy to spell. Each word spelled like how it sounds. Like Arabic. Funny to think about languages where a spelling contest would be moot. Languages where the letters don't play any tricky tricks!
41A) Be venial—thrashing leaves much to be desired! (8)
BE VENIAL * anagram = ENVIABLE
Was long caught up on this one thinking that the anagram ground up LEAVES. V nice :)
1D) Initially popularity of uprising turns out just dandy (3)
(Initially popularity = P) (OF uprising = FO) turns out = FOP
This was so nice. Another nice natural lingo clue.
3D) Cologne I distributed—it's a matter of coins! (8)
COLOGNE I * anagram = NEOLOGIC
“coins” as in coining words. Lovely! More anagrams! More anagrams! Really, we should invest in a Super Jumble book. Why are we digging through the trail mix of the cryptic, when what we really want is a bag of MnMs? Ah but see, the hunting and pecking for anagram treats is part of the fun :)
5D) Even contributors to our name, I extend, like early recordings (7)
o U r N a M e I e X t E n D = UNMIXED
A daring letter modulus clue! Long for its kind!
7D) Office worker in Kerry's first plane (3‑3)
IN (Kerry's first = K) + (plane = JET) = INK‑JET
Does INK‑JET really need the hyphen? The big box mongers of inkjet cartridges (Bestest Buy, Staplers, &c) say “no.”
But enjoyed the Kerry reference. In summer 2014 we traveled to Germany and Romania with Sweet V. Up on the telly screen at Frankfurt airport there was news of Secretariat of State John Kerry's travel. And as the screen showed Kerry talking quietly off‑mic with a foreign political luminary, Vlad gave his own sotto voce narration:
“Did you see the pictures with the lacy ones?”
“Yes, I brought more if you want to see. I brought the whole set!”
Fun! Always love a daring doubling of words in the clue. Are they both indicators? Or both definitions? Or is one an indicator and the other a definition? Are they identical twins or fraternal?
11D) Fences—the goal of the 1 Across? (5)
HAHAS (double synonym)
Was certain initially that it was SPARS but nay, “ha‑ha funny”? Or “ha‑ha fence”?
A ha-ha is a recessed landscape design element that creates a vertical barrier whilst preserving an uninterrupted view of the landscape beyond. The design includes a turfed incline which slopes downward to a sharply vertical face, typically a masonry retaining wall.
Personally we don't think “hahas” and “laughs” are the goals of comedy … we think it's more like: rappelling into the darkest depths of truth to draw up a little relief from the irritating and excruciating experiences of life itself, that we might tolerate such indignities but a little longer.
Also do you feel the restraint exercised in this clue at not going for “fences = epee”? We feel it.
20D) Announces, in the vernacular, sleaze's starting to come back (3)
SLEAZE'S (starting) to come back = starting SEZEALS = SEZ
Love this. It reminds us of how our mom communicates over electronic media (text, email), where brevity is necessary to make the communication form palatable, possible. Like: each byte of information is expensive in terms of emotional energy cost. So we get texts from her like, “Wher r u?”
We're observing how our parents interact with technology carefully. Right now we're a savvy computer programmer and web developer, but soon enough we'll age out of technological savvy. #dread
21D) Aerobes floating around north may the be this (8)
AEROBES floating around (north = N) = SEABORNE
Anagrama! Lova lova.
22D) Caesarean section? (4)
Caesarean = AREA
SO TITE
What to call it when the indicator is also the definition? Like: it works a double shift. Flexi‑cluework. We'll think more on this, get back to you. Normally we're philosophically opposed to such shenanigans. “One word, one cryptic function.” But embedding a fresh clue within American medical idiom!! So strong.
34D) Castle, for example—gunfire never protects it (5)
gunfIRE NEver = IRENE
Irene Castle and her husband Vernon Castle (born Vernon Blyth) were the best known ballroom dancers of the early 20th C. Beginning about 1914 they operated several clubs and studios in the NYC area, toured the country dancing, and were able to charge as much as a thousand dollars an hour for lessons.
38D) Sign a submarine captain has surfaced (4)
(submarine captain = NEMO) has surfaced = OMEN
Nice reference to notre frére Verne. Here's a Did You Know: Captain Nemo is Indian!
In The Mysterious Island, Captain Nemo identifies himself as Prince Dakkar, son of the Hindu Raja of Bundelkund, and also a descendant of the Muslim Sultan Fateh Ali Tipu of the Kingdom of Mysore, famous for the Anglo-Mysore Wars.
Ah ok: this is made clear in The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.
Lowlights!
16A) A good bridge contract is unfortunately bleak when circumvented by West (8)
(BLEAK * anagram) circumvented by (West = MAE) = MAKEABLE
Shout out to our favorite, Mae West. Did you know she was a playwright? Did you know she did jail time for a play she wrote? They charged her with obscenity. She wore silk underwear in prison. What a badass person.
But boo to bridge slang, and booooo to the word “makeable.” Ew. We deem this clue judgeable. We judge it.
Yah! “judgeable! With that medial “e”! Just like in makeable. So gross.
24A) Edges in, moving back to front, in a kind of rush (5)
EDGES moving back to front = SEDGE
Minor fresh use of “rush” but buh, EDGES to SEDGE? Buh.
25A) Can doesn't open from heat (3)
(Can = FIRE) doesn't open = IRE
CAN we AX why these same tired old syns for FIRE always show up?
Below: the glorious finale of Napoleon Dynamite to the exquisite beats of Jamiroquai's “Canned Heat.” So beautiful. So generous. Last night we watched the end of Carrie (1976). The end of Napoleon Dynamite is the exact opposite of the end of Carrie, but just as cathartic.
29A) Sounds like con's kind of instrument (4)
(con = READ) * homophone = REED
More of this “‘con’ means ‘learn’” stuff, if we're reading it correctly. Also seen in October 2015 - Vicious Circles. Meh.
44A) Once more, run up to plant—once again, gets heard (5)
(to plant once again = RESOW) gets heard = RESEW
Really. RESOW to RESEW. We wrote “barf” in our margin notes next to this clue.
4D) Displaced American in gym article quit without finishing (6)
(gym = Y) + (article = AN) + (QUIT without finishing) = YANQUI
Thought at first that the meaning of “displaced American” was Native/First Nations displaced by white genocide. But now that we've looked up yanqui, we're confused. If “Yanqui” is more like Latin American slang synonymous with “gringo,” then the definition “displaced American” reads a little weak for the usual same dead horse this blog beats and beats and beats: US ≠ America
8D) Formerly known as “The Joint,” it loses its frontage (3)
(The Joint = KNEE) loses its frontage = KNEE
Nay to née. Ne'er again, s'il vous plaît et merçi d'avance.
Here is a photo of Soupy Sales and Frank Sinatra. Which one is Soupy, and which one is Frank? That is a stronger riddle than the one posed by this clue.
18D) You were announced as the pitcher (4)
You were * homophone = EWER
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ewer.
Ewer saying something?
Yes, we were saying, “ewe.”
Farmboy? Hand us that pitcher.
31D) Sue wants a shirt created (5)
(Sue = BEG) wants A (shirt = T) = BEGAT
Mehhhhh. “sue” => “beg” feels thin, brothers and sisters. The thesaurus supports it but wutevr. Spent a goodly time working an anagram of SHIRT first.
26D) One looking down's not so far away, if you listen closely! (7)
'S (not so far away = NEARER) * homophone = SNEERER
Gross. S'not good. This is another homophone that hurts our feelings. “'s nearer” => “sneerer” No‑hoooooo.
The Tacky
42A) A very good French girl (dark sounding, finally), wearing cotton fabric, almost unused (6)
(cotton fabric = JEAN) + (almost (unused = NEW) = NE) = JEANNE
Is this a reference to a song? Dear Readers are welcome to comment and correct.
This clue creeps us out. “almost unused” cotton fabric. Just say it. Panties. It's Jeanne's French panties. Her cotton panties are almost unused. Or it's Jeanne who's almost unused. Jk jk obv it's both. She's very good, that Jeanne. And she sounds [licks the lips] dark. Finally, right? Finally: a girl who sounds dark.
![[Harry Potter,] you look very like your father.](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_uVRQ5ktE1t92Sdq3pttSutE0Z9qKOdMbF3s5y4UUED-iwzVq4CyEMuCMnQrpEIb2C6bHL33ep9Hwub0nyHm2PWSatoZuDNjxl9aKZxkgozko7r8hVfWEAFS_PRP3psezFTRfwCRWaZP1QLrXWYV_nnBy1n_Q=s0-d "[Harry Potter,] you look very like your father.")
