Quo Vadis? - March 2016

Cool news at TackyHarpersCrypticClues headquarters: we've seen a surge in web traffic! But thus also a surge in spam comments. It's always flattering, the spam. The first sentence is usually, like, “WOW!! This blog is packed with great info!!!” and we blush with pleasure.

The second sentence is, like, “Web sluxuriant krazee moriaty mosgrove acquittal Affiliate marketing.” Then a link to some dum spam site.

But popularity with robots is still popularity! You know that old show biz saying: “first the bots, then the masses.”

…  why, yes. We do consider this blog to be under the ægis of show biz.

In unrelated news: currently we are obsessed with Snapchat© face swaps™ of we and Sweet V. We were hung up at first believing these are alt‑lesbian versions of ourselves. But now we're hung up on imagining these are our grown up daughters, who are friends, and come to visit their old ma and pa sometimes.

The Theme!

A four‑quadrant construction with four fifteeners as lattices. We're told in the instructs that 1) is an across lattice so that the solution is unique. Ok.

Sweet V's solve of VIDEOCONFERENCE and early successes with quadrant C led to some speculative fill and good guesses. Final quadrants:

QUADRANT B	QUADRANT D
QUADRANT A	QUADRANT C

How does the title QUO VADIS relate to this Theme? We do not know, Dear Readers. Uncle Google says QUO VADIS means “where are you going?” in Latin and that it's also the titles of a buncha media including a 1951 film starring six‑time Oscar nominee Deborah Kerr. This is a surprising descrip on the 1924 film:

Watch the Apostles and other followers like Saul preach the gospel and spread the message of love and hope in this high quality entertaining animated feature for your kids and family.

Source: iMdB

That wholesome animated feature is out of step with most Quo Vadi, which reference Peter feeling afraid in Italy and high‑tailin it outta Rome to escape the toxic murderous climate against Christians. But on the way out he encounters Christ. And Pete asks, “quo vadis?” And his Prince of Peace answers, “o, not much, I'm going back to Rome to be re‑crucified.” And Pete is like, “o. I'm a coward.” So then he goes back to Rome where soon afterward the Romans crucify him upside down.

The grid construction definitely looks kinda Roman architectural agora'y. So maybe that's the idea. Dear Readers are of course invited to speculate further in the comments!

The fifteeners:

• 1) This one is our pick for Tacky Clue, see below

• 2) She invoices sums, concealing monkey business (15)
  SHE INVOICES SUMS * anagram = MISCHIEVOUSNESS

Glorious anagrama! “concealing” as anagrind is a little funny but forgiven because anagram (anagram!!). Got hung up several rounds thinking it would be a female quant, like ACCOUNTRESS or similar.

US Fed Reserve Chair Janet Yellen

• 3) Solving the problem when basketball player has this? l;(15)
  TROUBLE SHOOTING (double syn)

Sweet! Alla the B boys and B girls have trouble shooting the B ball sometimes.

• 4) Communication, if CEO reconvened organization? (15)
  IF CEO RECONVENED organization = VIDEOCONFERENCE

Another wonderful anagram! Altho video conferencing introduces communications problems as it solves them. cf this tweet:

An Academic Skype Conversation
A. "I still can't see you."
B. "Let me just try something."
A. "I'll just call you."
B. "Can you see me now."

— Shit Academics Say (@AcademicsSay) June 1, 2014

Alla the resta the clues were sevensies, so we'll omit the letter count.

Highlights!

• 5) Here's the dish: knight is back to going both ways
  ((knight = SIR) is back = RIS) TO going both ways = RISOTTO

Loved this. Like: bisexual Lancelot! Caught between his love of Guin and his passíon for Arthur! Yes please! Twas also the first solve of the puzzle for us.

• 6) Cannabis, you are it! It's found by the pound!
  (Cannabis = HASH) (you are it = TAG) = HASHTAG

Whoa! Weren't expecting this! Expected CANNABIS = POT, expected “found by the pound” = “lost dog” or similar. Did not expect a Modern Social Media™ reference!

• 9) Drag out gag that appears on street
  (gag = RETCH) appears on (street = ST) = STRETCH

Got rull hung up thinking this was an anagram of DRAG OUT (TUG ROAD?).

• 11) Squabble's royal focal point: putting underwear on backward
  (royal = R) (focal point = HUB) (putting (underwear = BRA) backwards = ARB) = RHUBARB

Have probably learned then forgotten that RHUBARB can mean interpersonal conflict many times, the way that on at least a dozen occasions we've learnt then forgotten the name of Rick Allen, one‑armed drummer from Def Leppard. It's like being caught in a time loop. The only way to break free of the loop is a goofy mnemonic. In this case, we pretend that Rick Allen is the goofy British cousin of American film and TV star Tim Allen. And that does the trick. We have thus escaped the time loop.

Image courtesy Wikimedia

But buh, any time BRA shows up it's a small unkind cut. A crappy underwire that poked through.

• 13) Pitt abs developed by one immersed in worship
  PITT ABS * anagram = BAPTIST

Wonderful! PITT ABS was obvious anagram fodder, but that natural definition portion and double meaning of “immersed” is v nice!

• 14) A tropical theme plays cleverly in Company
  PLAYS cleverly in (company = CO) = CALYPSO

Mmm nice! Thinking about Murphy Brown and how Murph haaaaaaated Barry Manilow's music. But then Barry Manilow appeared on the show and played piano for her, and she loved it.

• 15) I'm a fruit—get out of the office!
  IM (a fruit = PEACH) = IMPEACH

Argh! So torn on this clue! We love it for its cluing, but find the narrative tacky. More fantasies of queeny dictatorial types. Fantasies of oppressive queers. Of course as is always the case, we learn something new about the fantasizer.

• 16) Material that's sized for two male animals
  two male animals = BUCK RAM = BUCKRAM

Never hearda buckram, but love this! So fresh.

Image courtesy Wikimedia

• 17) Brought to victory, Roman four does coming back around
  (victory = V) (Roman four = IV) (does = DEER) coming back around = REVIVED

So nice! The obviousness of “Roman four” forgiven for rippitty sneak‑sneak of DOES qua DEER mwa! LOVE this!

• 20) Diverse characters in a new edition
  DIVERSE * anagram = REVISED

Nice sweet anagrama!

• 22) Harmful Burma‑Shave writing?
  Burma‑Shave writing = AD VERSE = ADVERSE

Mwa! Delectable and delightful! Wonderful! Reminded of the pilot episode of Quantum Leap. One of Sam's cues that he has legit traveled beyond the veil is seeing the Burma‑Shave ads on the highway. And oh! The idea itself for these ads! Using the fact of cars and driving to generate comedic timing in an otherwise static format. Glorious.

• 23) Strange Latvian game
  LATVIAN * anagram = VALIANT

Took a little research to believe that “valiant” = “game” but yuh, this is nice! And of course much enjoy the neatness of a three‑word clue. Here's a video of some Romanian kids playing “lapte gros.” Sortof a leap frog Red Rover thing. A structured outlet for physical aggression, which we generally approve of.

• 25) Makes lower classes well‑spoken
  (classes = LESSONS) well‑spoken = LESSENS

Mwa! Whatta homophone! Yass!!

• 26) One dangerously wild flower in the Mideast, they say
  (flower in the Mideast = TIGRIS) they say = TIGRESS

Ahhhh!!! YASS! Shoutout to the crable of cibilization, the mighty Tigris and Euphrates!! Shoutout to Billy Blake and the Tyger burning bryght. So sweet and delicious.

• 27) Contract to form brigade
  form BRIGADE = ABRIDGE

Nice fresh use of “contract” as opposite of “dilate.” Delish.

• 28) Find us tragically enthralled by housecleaner? Just the opposite!
  FinD US TRAGically = DUSTRAG

Glorious, daring wordspanner! “Find us” made us think of Findus the cat, beloved character from the picture books of our young cousin‑by‑marriage Ioana. Findus is a curious and mischievous black and white cat, always getting into trouble. Standard beloved childhood picture book stuff :) And super‑compelling character design:

Lowlights!

• 7) Makes new catalogues for big hotels
  Makes new catalogues = RE‑SORTS = RESORTS

Thought this would be the proper noun of the puzzle, like RAMADAS or RESEDAS or similar. “Makes new” had us thinking of RENEWS or RE‑. Bland payoff.

• 8) Mass movement gone crazy—there's rot in it!
  crazy ROT IN IT = INTROIT

Church words. Meh. No benediction here.

Pope Francis drops his latest mixtape in Bangui, Central African Republic

• 10) How Italians keep their cool and not riot when provoked
  NOT RIOT when provoked = TORTONI

Uh. What is a tortoni? Never hearda. Thinking now of Signor Eco and Foucault's Pendulum and plenny of Italian riots. This clue also smacks of respectability politics, which, buh. What's so great about being good and shutting up and taking it from the System? What's so great about the status quo.

• 12) Exercises that are the same going up or down?
  PULLUPS

Because PULLUP reversed is PULLUP. Irritatingly, PULLUPS ≠ SPULLUP.

• 18) Unbounded and friendless but not at the end of the week
  FRIENDLESS but not (at the end of the week = FRI) = ENDLESS

So many things. Let's start with FRIENDLESS => ENDLESS nyoooooh. No no‑no. No!! And Friday is not the end of the week. Saturday is the end of the week. Maybe Sunday. You could play a “work week.” You could play a “start of Shabbos.” You could win us over playing this as an Islam‑normative week. In which case this becomes a Highlight.

• 19) Plays with dialogue—initially I would bring up Rosebud e.g.
  (DIALOGUE initially = D) (I WOULD = I'D) (bring up (ROSEBUD e.g. = SLED) = DLES) = DIDDLES

“Diddles” is a gross word. Mainstream lexica jibe with this “plays with” definition, but in practice, in the real world, on the streets, we've only heard DIDDLES in the context of sexual touch. And generally unwanted sexual touch. Gross.

• 21) Northern riots broken up, left where there's a passing of wind
  (Northern = N) RIOTS broken up (left = L) = NOSTRIL

Putting this in Lowlights onnnnly cuz we hadda “wind tunnel” = “nose” thing like just last month. Cmong. Also, this bit of dialogue between we and Sweet V:

ME

I want this to just be FARTS.

SWEET V

Yes. Altho that would be Southern riots.

• 24) In Italy, everything from three on is late!
  In Italy everything from three on = OVER DUE = OVERDUE

Boo. Boo to Itanglish. Thought it was the Italian word for “everything” which we figured was TUTTI, so then we were agonizing over manipulating TUTTI. Anyway. Dumb.

The Tacky

• 1) Frank: a gay soccer team won't hire him! (15)
  STRAIGHT FORWARD (double syn.)

Tell it to ya boi Robbie Rogers

Um ok so um wut? Let's be real, the criteria a gay soccer team is likely to set for Hetero Frank qua new forward are:

1. does he want to play on our gay soccer team?
2. is he any good? (optional)

and maaayyyyyyyyybe there'd be, “he knows, right, that we're a gay soccer team? Just so it's super clear.”

But certainly

3. get outta here breeder cuz it's gays only, Frank!!!!!!!

would, like, not come up. This is a weird lil fantasy about Queer Orthodoxy, which definitely exists in perverse and unnatural environments like San Francisco. But not even everywhere in San Francisco, just specific communities and gayborhoods.

Most gay clubs in our experience are like the Palm Springs Gay Men's Chorus:

Non‑Discrimination Statement
The Palm Springs Gay Men's Chorus does not discriminate in it's[sic] employment practices on the basis of: race/ethnicity, color, creed, national origin, ancestry, sexual orientation, gender, gender self‑identification, age, disability, veteran status, religion, or political beliefs.

Source: they's About page

You don't hafta be gay or a man. There just aren't enough gay hobbyists to get uptight about identity.

This is really a fantasy that a gay soccer team would be as shitty and discriminatory as non‑gay soccer teams are. Which, semantically they would be more inclusive but in live real world practice, not so much.

Don't worry, we'll fix it:

• Blunt, neat, and fresh (15)

“neat” as in “one scotch: neat” or “one scotch: STRAIGHT.”

“fresh” as in “Marvin! Don't get fresh! [slap]” or “Marvin! How FORWARD of you!”

Comments are fuel for more blogging.

Foursomes - November 2013

Hola hola hola, TackyHarpersCrypticClues.com readers! Before we begin, it occurred to us recently that in all our years of writing this blog: there has not been even one single challenge to what we've deemed “tacky.” From Day One, we were girded and ready for accusations of “reading too much into things” or “o u femnizt what du know” ... but no! And while we hate to think silence implies consent (cf feminist) maybe in this case silence implies enthusiastic agreement?

Which is to say: this month's quote-unquote “tacky” clue is a stretch, Dear Readers! Tit's a stretch. Feel free to call it out. You'd be the first.

To the puzzle!

Theme title: foursomes. Sexy times. Four-way (radial) symmetry and clues grouped in unnumbered foursomes to keep it lively, but left-to-right text directionality in English meant placement wasn't ambiguous for too long, not like with News Clippings a la Septembre.

This was a fast solve. Return to form! Started in the evening, finished up in the morning. Barely any time to get help from Sweet V, who usually looks over our shoulder and lands at least one of the long answers. No, this time our solve was pretty much solo. Big Girl puzzle solving.

Highlights!

• 2D) During move, ram platform to make the band too loud (7)
  mOVE RAM Platform = OVERAMP

Reminded of Ani Difranco's Living in Clip. We got rid of most of our physical CDs in 2009 in a Great Purge before leaving San Francisco and the Internet doesn't have record of the story we are about to relate (!), but in Living in Clip's liner notes there's an explanation of the eponymous phrase:

“clipping an amp”: “overloading an amplifier with a sonic signal that exceeds the machine's power capacity, resulting in a terrifying snapping sound and the illumination of a tiny red warning light on the face of the amp indicating that it is about to blow.”

“Man, the amps are, like, living in clip.*” - Ani's sound guy
(*paraphrasing — ed)

• 1A) Jailbird rants and rages—not in these places, I hope!
  (Jailbird = CON) + (rants and rages = VENTS) = CONVENTS

Like as in, “I hope no convicts go to a convent and raise a stink; those nuns wouldn'a handle it”? Nuns are tough. They'd be fine. They'd offer the convict some tea, give the convict some toilets to clean and a bed to sleep in. Cool those rants right down. Only mildly related, we've appreciated imgur's general collective fandom for the new Pope. There'll be a cool jpeg of Pope Francis, maybe with some cool words he said recently written on top, like, “it's ok to be gay! What, me judge?” And then the title of the post and the first 50 comments will be, “as an atheist, I say the new Pope is dope.” The Hierarchy of 2013 Internet Love goes like:

1. Pope Francis
2. Neil deGrasse Tyson

and they keep toggling top spot. Speaking of which, obv, do we even need to say it, this month's Nerd Hot Guy:
 

Herro.

• 21A) Shy nuns, I fancy, like a nice day (8)
  SHY NUNS I * anagram = SUNSHINY

Thought this was SUNNYISH. Wups. Check it out, another nun clue! Nunsense.

• 33A) Granted, The Wire going in had one great shot (8)
  (wire = CORD) + going in (one great shot = ACED) = ACCORDED

Mention of The Wire, right there as the first clue in the puzz, caused us to lose our mind. Got this one only near to the very end of the solve. Golf reference is forgiven because The Wire.

• 9D) Incompetent has a try, then, starting to sag, butts out here (8)
  (HAS A TRY) * anagram + (starting to sag = S) = ASHTRAYS

Oh but(t) how we wanted it to be ASSHATRY. The butts are really out here tonight! Some real asshatry on display!

• 23D) I'm found in an article describing the persona of a woman (5)
  IM + AN (article = A) = ANIMA

Herr Jung. Reminds us of a story: years ago, we went on a date via craigslist with a young man we'll refer to here as Unattractive Kenneth* (*name changed to protect the innocent). Our date was to walk around Golden Gate Park. Unattractive Kenneth said three deal-breaking things on this date. The first was that he felt indifferent about Barack Obama. Indifferent! This was November 2008, and we could not relate to indifference about Barack Obama. True love, seething frustration: these feelings we could relate to. Indifference? The second was that he found the Star Trek universe rich and robust, but the Star Wars universe thin and uninspired. Huwhutt? Why would you even ... who would even ... what? The last nail in the space coffin for ol' Unattractive Kenneth was when he said he really liked “uh-NEE-muh” and we asked what that was and he said, “you know, Japanese animation? Uh-NEE-muh? I'm really into it.” And we nearly yelled, “no you are NOT into it! This date is OVER!”

This story reflects more poorly on us than on Kenneth. We love telling it, though.

All the 12s were lovely:

• 25A) One might make a case for the president after election (12)
  CABINETMAKER (double syn)

• 14A) Royalty you get from printer cable (two words) (12)
  PRINTER CABLE * anagram = PRINCE ALBERT

• 7D) Substitute taking shot in soccer in two games at once (12)
  (Substitute = DOUBLE) + (shot in soccer = HEADER) = DOUBLE HEADER

• Proud to find spelling of vous original (12)
  VOUS ORIGINAL * anagram = VAINGLORIOUS

MMMmmmmmmm!!!!

Lowlights!

• 7A) The father of modern art?(4)
  DADA (double syn)

We just had a Dada clue in September. We're Da-done with Dada clues. Especially thin little gimmes like this one.

• 13D) Small noisy joint? Hot dog! (6)
  (small = WEE) + (joint = KNEE) * homophone = WEENIE

Meh. Was sure this would be SPLIFF, somehow. Instead it's a little doggie weewee clue. Oh, and while we're on it

• 24A) Makes a sound on bended knees, perhaps? (5)
  KNEES * anagram = KEENS

which, first, it's another knee clue, and we are not exactly lapping them knee clues up. Second, those anagrams that are single-letter translations BOOOOOOO!!!! Jeremy's iron. Boo.

• 15A) Carved gate in front of university city in South Korea (5)
  (GATE + (front of university = U)) * anagram = TAEGU

This is the uncommon proper alluded to in the puzz instructs. Meh. Here's Taegu, though. So pretty with the night and timelapse.

• 16D) Young European in a line from Joseph to Ebenezer (6)
  josEPH + EBEnezer = EPHEBE

We had it in mind that EPHEBE and EPHEBIC related strictly to ancient Athenian homonormative behavior, like “Peloponnesian twink ca. 100 BC.” But no. Lo:

e • phebe [ih-feeb, ef-eeb]
noun
a young man, especially an ephebus.

Origin: 1690–1700; < Latin ephebus < Greek éphebos, equivalent to ep- ep- + -hebos, derivative of hebe manhood

Source: Dictionary.com

Prolly maybe we got confused because we first encountered the word while reading Proust. Oh, don't freak out, we didn't read much Proust. Just enough to read about “sweet beautiful ephebes” again and again and like, “ok, Marcy, put away the hankie. We've cracked your code.”

The Tacky!

Not really tacky just gross. But kinda fun gross, awakening our inner eight-year-old boy, like a gross bug, or Ren & Stimpy. And not even actually gross, mostly gross in our head. Anyway.

• 27D) It's slathered on with love at the end of a month (4)
  (love = O) at the end of (month = MAY) = MAYO

Slathered mayo. Gross (cool). But we were certain, so extremely positively certain, with M--O already in the fill, that this was gonna be MONO, aka The Kissing Disease, aka Slathering with Love. And then it turned out to be MAYO so then it was like mayonnaise kisses slathered on and so gross you guys.

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