Armed to the Teeth - April 2017

The Theme!

Uhhhh it was fine. “Armed to the teeth” to evoke “gold teeth” and 1A divined by crosses is GOLD FILLINGS and ah sure haha neato that means something about Au the chemical symbol for gold was inserted throughout the puzzle right, o how neat v cool theme.

jk jk, record scratch, run that back. Not AU but OR inserted into seventeen answers throughout the puzzle. “O, r you kidding me???” you ask, rhetorically, knowing the answer.

Dear Readers are invited to fight us in the Comments and explain the v excellent connexion between gold and/or gold fillings and OR. Something better than “OR is a homophone of ore, and gold is a kind of ore. So.” Then you shrug and grimace at us, rightly avoiding our gaze, as our eyes like twin blue tractor beams struggle to extract more from you. Sweep! Sweep! The buzzing electric hum of our gaze as it rakes across your bashful face.


EDIT: per Brother Danny below “OR” is a type of “gold” heraldry.

In heraldry, or (French for "gold") is the tincture of gold and, together with argent (silver), belongs to the class of light tinctures called "metals", or light colours. In engravings and line drawings, it is hatched using a field of evenly spaced dots. It is very frequently depicted as yellow, though gold leaf was used in many illuminated manuscripts and more extravagant rolls of arms.

Source: Wigipedia

Ah but do you fill teeth with it? AHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhh yes think of the solvers who are extremely literal and prefer on-the-nose themes. Many thanks to Brother Danny!

Because of the seventeen insertionios, none of the clues had number of answer letters in parens, which added some fun challenge. Dear Readers who find cryptic crossword puzzles baffling and maddening, we're not bragging about our skills to personally baffle and madden you. Make no mistake, we are absolutely bragging about our hardwon awesome cryptic crossword puzzle skills right now. But if you're curious about whether you catch the puzzle dragon, you don't. You chase that puzzle dragon forever. We'll tell you when we've had enough, kai, ta, loipa.

Highlights!

• 10A) As affront is limitless, it's something to savor
  AS AFFRONt is limitless = SAFFRON

Long anagramas been in short supply this spring from the Harper's puzzle but hidden clues might be our new favorite flavor. Wonky narrative on the clue thus forgiven.

• 13A) Romeo's leader on the road in final face-off
  in finAL FAce-off = ALFA

YAsss! Much love to Formula One! Much love to cool cars!!

• 18A) Is “kiddo” only partly accepted? Get outta here!
  IS KIDDO Only partly accepted = SKIDDOO

Cousin of SKEDADDLE, v fun!

• 21A) Ship's helm in the morning? Just the opposite!
  (helm = STEER) (just the opposite [of] in the = outside of) (morning = AM) = STEAMER

Heh heh, you said “steamer.”

• 25A) During negotiations, a legitmate sign of a bargain
  negotiatiONS A LEgitimate = ON SALE

More hiddensies! YAS!

• 29A) Sound barrier blasted
  Sound (barrier = DAM) = DAMN

We did a talk for high school students recently, supposedly speaking as a so-called expert performance poet. Oh how we bombed! Oh did we bomb so hard with these high school students! But the talk perked up a little when we got to the interactive section about “what is a poem?” We made a case for Damn Daniel as a poem. V interesting to hear how the students viewed mimetic language as almost like a fashion statement.

• 37A) Do nag at someone who calls games
  DO (nag at someone = PESTER) = DOPESTER

Had never heard of DOPESTER which is usually an “indicator” that we'll hayte it but not this time! Toyed muchly with DOPESTAR but locked in the E on the cross so hadta be as it twas. Reminded of this guy:

• 41A) Music, after I went at wine
  (MUSIC after I went = MUSC) AT = MUSCAT

Muscat Sally! Muscat Sam!

• 44A) And, also, as well—they all come back with dirt
  (And, also, as well = TOOS) they all come back = SOOT

This was one of our last solves of the puzzle and we were guessing ROOT we were guessing COOT and LOOT. Only after running through the alphabet did we get the clear answer SOOT! Three synonyms for word TOO means that they're a set of TOOS. Yes. This one tickled real nice.

• 45A) State a word of welcome, wearing glasses?
  (a word of welcome = HI) wearing (glasses = O O) = OHIO

That's cute! HI is also a state postal abbreviation contained within the name of another state. Cute cute cute. The image of a word wearing glasses. OHhh! Very cute!

• 46A) Gives out in so-called sporting events
  so-called (sporting events = MEETS) = METES

Like as in “metes out punishment.” Fresh!

• 47A) Solver's true nature is elusory, puzzling (and female)
  ELUSORY puzzling and (female = F) = YOURSELF

OHHhhhh YES!! O FOCK yes!!!!! Is this a callout from Maltby directly to this humble female??? We think so!! We think so!

• 1D) Wind up with, initially, Eric Idle
  up with ((initially Eric = E) (idle = LAG)) = GALE
  entered as GALORE

Shout out to Monty Pyth!

• 4D) Ref's set for curing sores
  REFS SET for curing = FESTERS
  entered as FORESTERS

Grosssss (awesome)! Fester can be a noun sure no prob. Gross grossssss (fun)!

• 8D) In Japan, goodbye at the end for an old city
  (In Japan goodbye = SAYŌNARA) at the end = NARA

Wasssup Japan! Two of our top favorite moments from visiting last summer:

1. When the boat tour guide apologized that the tour would be in Japanese, and we said, in decent Japanese, “that's ok!” and “I studied Japanese.” The boat broke into applause!!
2. Our last night in Tokyo, ordering coffee and water with the right forms of “please” and “pardon me” now second nature, and the clerk at Starbucks reverently saying in Japanese, “you are fluent!”

Always love an opportunity to take those schooldays Japanese language skills out for a spin!

• 9D) Instinctive gradual erosion takes in a bit of land and the end of rain
  GRADUAL erosion takes in (a big of land = L) and the (end of rain = N) = GLANDULAR

GLANDULAR = INSTINCTIVE is a little stinky, just a little, but a spectacular mostly anagram, so much fun, and some nice smooth narrative cluing.

• 10D) Rig bears south—they might make short cuts
  Rig BEARS (south = S) = SABERS

A wee bitta back and forth here at HQ about whether it'd be SABERS or SABRES.

• 12D) Diesel in the actors' union appears in Deliverance
  (Diesel = VIN) in the (actors' union = SAG) =&nsbp;SAVING
  entered as SAVORING

Such nice smooth congruence with actors and Vin and the union and a real movie title! Spectacular.

And oh how we love that Brother Vin! Our younger real-life brother says that Big Vin has a reputation as a cruddy person, which breaks our heart! Oh it does. We choose the reality of this Valentine's Day karaoke cover of Stay:

• 20D) Stuff that leaves you flat in London
  Stuff that leaves you = flat in London = PAD

This is nice!

re: “stuff that leaves you”
We watched a cute video about rehabilitating stuffed animals the other day. Secrets include restuffing via a discreet slit made in the nape of the neck and refluffing with a wire pet grooming brush.

• 22D) A-list's membership ends
  A list's membership = TAILS
  entered as TAILORS

Ugh, we dislike greatly when the possessive is inconsistently included as anagrind but then that's also the FUN OF THE PUZZZLE maybe right? So we're putting this clue in Highlights to pretend we prefer challenge over immediate gratification and later we're going to bake a lemon cake for Sweet V and eat some of the cake batter as a late lunch, and none of you can stop us. [slow building gutteral cackle]

• 24D) Mahler's First fools a lot of people
  (Mahler's First = M) (fools = ASSES) = MASSES
  entered as MORASSES

Wonderful! Would be perfect if not for another ASSES used in 24D. Much enjoy the subtle read that “a lot of people”&nsbp;= “asses” altho mayhap we're the only one who reads that? Mayhap.

An old friend of ours used to say of Mahler, feigning breathless affect, “Gustave! Where does it come from?”

• 26D) Jimmy welcomes boorish puritanical element
  (Jimmy = PRY) welcomes (boorish = RUDE) = PRUDERY

Nice! Why, Jimmy? Why are you doing it? Did you get Red Pilled??

• 27D) Tight-lipped group claims one is not wanted in it
  CLAIMS (one = I) is not wanted in it = CLAMS
  enetered as CLAMORS

Lovely!

• 28D) Drinks out in streets
  OUT in (streets = STS) = STOUTS

Oh YES!! So clean! So tight! We'd've added “the” just to smooth out that language a just a wee smidge otherwise this is about as clean and tight as it gets!

• 30D) A lot of Hair, they say, takes place in America
  (A lot of Hair = MANE) they say = MAINE
  entered as MORAINE

Moraine! Lovely word! Step through the moraine on the way to Mordor! We toyed with the notion that it would somehow be a MISSOURI => MISERY pun.

• 36D) Not a nice place for satay—no first-class ratings
  SATAY no (first-class ratings = A) = STY

Only the best satay joints for us!

• 38D) Place of pure enchantment?
  PURE enchantment = PERU

Sooooo glorious just remove that question mark! Pull it right out! So macchu picchu enchantment. You know this to be true.

• 39D) Carry a child? Easy at first
  (a child = TOT) (Easy at first = E) = TOTE

Verrrrrry nice! And not involving a spit-pregnancy like 15A.

Also, hahahah what would you know about it, Maltby? Would you characterize the first trimester as easier or harder than the average menstrual cycle? That would be a useful reference point. Go ahead. Cuz we'd love to hear the answer: is [ultra super duper patronizing tone] the first trimester of carrying a human child to term easier or harder than the average menstrual cycle?

Your silence speaks volumes right now, bro.

• 42D) Fly with only a pair of socks and a last piece of underwear
  (only a pair of SOCKS = SO) and A (last piece of UNDERWEAR = R) = SOAR

Excellent! Rully thought we were gonna have BRA in the puzzle! Cuz “underwear” is almost always a code of that most convenient of puzzle undergarments, that omniprevalent clue fodder. Not this time! And a very fun and unwittingly topical reference to airplane dress codes!

Lowlights!

• 11A) Low parts in Valse Fantastique
  VALSE fantastique = VALES

Ok this might be fine and even fun for that tight cluing essept we JUST had “VALE” in March. We just had it. C'mong.

• 14A) Country parents holding an area in straitened circumstances?
  (Country parents = PA MA) holding AN = PANAMA
  entered as PANORAMA

Something about “country parents” feels weird. Haha backwoods people haha naw. Tell your maw and your paw.

• 15A) Like some mothers except, after an exchange of letters with a family member, talking
  EXCEPT after an exchange of letters with a ((family member = AUNT) talking = ANT) = EXPECTANT
  entered as EXPECTORANT

Linking pregnancy with trash-spit feels grimey.

• 17A) Hemingway and Che Guevara, to friends, hearing ideas evenly
  hEaRiNg IdEaS evenly = ERNIES

Hell no, hell absolutely not. Citation needed. Ci ta tion nee ded.

• 19A) Taking five letters in “string,” adding one from each, anagramming
  (Taking five letters in string = STRIN) = RESTRING
  entered as RESORTING

And RE-SORTING is also a synonym for anagramming buh buh buh. It's also against the law to reference “anagram” in the cluing and not have at last a couple big beautiful twelver anagrams.

• 26A) How to indicate Pennsylvania when there's little room for an animal?
  How to indicate Pennsylvania when there's little room = P AND A = PANDA
  entered as PANDORA

This is very very very terrible. This is disgusting and filfy. When you need to indicate “Pennsylvania” but you don't got a lotta space to write it, what option have ye? Just hope they know in their hearts? Just write “PENNSY” and hope for the best? NAY. There is another way. The letter P, AND the letter A. Put 'em together. You just indicated Pennsylvania brothers and sisters. This clue is so gross. Here. Let's look at Justin Trudeau with pandas:

• 32A) Preserver finds first page missing from hymnal
  (page = P) missing from (hymnal = PSALTER) = SALTER

Our margin notes guessed at “MALTER” as a cute little sideways reference to the one and only Queen Editor Malt herself but naw, twas not to be. Is a PSALTER properly a hymnal? [long pause] Or is it a Book of Psalms? [feigned smile, coy duck of head]

We could look it up and settle the issue, yah?

A psalter is a volume containing the Book of Psalms

Source: Wikip

Well but so maybe a psalm is just a type of hymn, right? Hm yah why not let's super casually look it up:

The Book of Psalms commonly referred to simply as Psalms or "the Psalms", is the first book of the Ketuvim ("Writings"), the third section of the Hebrew Bible, and a book of the Christian Old Testament.[1] The title is derived from the Greek translation, psalmoi, meaning "instrumental music" and, by extension, "the words accompanying the music."

Sounce: Wiki agin

Ok then there's some merit to equating psalms with hymns ok cool this was instructive neato Dorito.

Also, this month's Nerd Hot Guy is Salt Bae:

• 33A) Muralist represented extremist belief
  MURALIST represented = ULTRAISM

Ewwwwwww gross gross gross we finally get a decent anagrama and what is it it's not ALTRUISM, which is also there. No it's ULTRAISM? Um. We'll pretend that this is a reference to the Spanish Ultraist movement, and not a fake word.

Ohhhh WHOAA ok so “fake word” is our ”fake news.” It's an inflammatory characterization that can mean a lot of things to a lot of people, but always it means something bad, always meant to distinguish between the fake and the bona fide. Yes. The -ER words. And the RE- words. Fake words! #fakewords

• 34A) Heading for disaster, entering so the wrong way, takes too much
  (Heading for disaster = D) entering SO the wrong way = ODS

Ok. We've about overdosed on ODS in the puzzle.

• 43A) Previous to this place, after initial takeoff
  (this place = HERE) after initial takeoff = ERE

We remember a long long time ago, many years ere now, when ERE was not a part of our regular life when it appeared in the puzzle constantly all the time forever. Buh.

• 48A) Surely, if going from left to right, and changing, it may have fringe benefits!
  (SURELY if going from (left = L) to (right = R) = SURERY) and changing = SURREY

Chicks and ducks and something better hurry / When we think of Oklahoma! we get surly / Surly with a fringe up top.

• 2D) Football team not running, seen as a disaster
  (not running = OFF) SEEN as a disaster = OFFENSE

So is OFFENSE synonymous with a football team? The defensive tackle would beg to diff at that definition, most definitely.

• 6D) Man on a talk show brings up Ogden Nash's other llama!
  brings up (Ogden Nash's other llama = ONE L) = LENO

Ummmm Leno ain't onna talk show, present tense, annymo. So. And as for the Nash, thats thissa:

The one L lama, he's a priest The two L llama, he's a beast And I will bet my silk pyjama There isn't any three L lllama. -- O. Nash, to which a fire chief replied that occasionally his department responded to something like a "three L lllama."

Source

• 16D) Chest protectors for exotic animals picked up by the ears?
  (exotic = QUEER) (animals = ASSES) picked up by the ears = CUIRASSES

This would be fun and funny especially because it involves one of the most tittery middle school spittle laugh words ever, CUIRASSES. But it's the second ASS in the puzzle along with 24D and the homophone indicator is tacked at the end without modifying ASSES which is a bummer, pun intended.

Please yes, hilarious middle school laugh words! Please yes TITMOUSE. Please yes BOOBIE. Speaking of, raise your hand if you were certain that “chest protectors” would mean BRA, woulda bet a hundo dollars on it [we raise our hand].

Anyway yes please, yes always, funny words. But keep the clues tight. Tight taut hardbodied clues, toned and sprayed with a fine mist of oil and glitter.

• 18D) One who patronizes up-and-coming goods in Paris?
  up-and-coming (goods in Paris = BONS) = SNOB

NON. Absolument non. “BONS” ? Quel horreur.

• 23D) No average parades provide drinks
  No (average = PAR) parades = ADES
  entered as ADES

Oh HAEEyYEEEELLlll no! ADES? ADES?? As a standalone answer, as a little piece of puzzlese only semi-tolerable as anagrind but here masquerADING as a word? No. Bleh. Bleh. No. Save your ADE for your Monday USA Today puzzle please and thank you in advance.

We were certain that “average” or “no average” indicated a word from mathematics or statistics as glorious as like “heteroskedastic” or similar. So part of our disappointment in this clue is how hard it busted our boner.

• 35D) Oh, you singer and actress—so earthy in your makeup!
  (Oh = O) you (singer and actress = CHER) = OCHRE

Um. Cher again. Quick: what was Cher's last name as a baby? Time's up! It was Sarkisian. Homophone to Anita, your feminist crush. How many times Cher in the puzzle? How many times always forever? Uncountable. That's how many. Much love to the goddess Cher but earthy in her makeup she is most certain not. That award goes to Alicia Keys.

The Tacky

Two this month:

• 20A) Sound, according to a Siamese?
  Sound (according to = PER) = PURR

Awwwwwww danngit if this just were tweaked a smidgy to “the Siamese” instead of “a Siamese” it'd be fine. Ugh, but either the clue is meant to invoke cats from the outset, in which case, too easy. Or, “a Siamese” is meant to invoke a human person from Siam. Ugh.

Ok first, Siam isn't Siam, it's Thailand. And Yul Brynner is Russian, not Thai.



Second, “an American” is totally fine to our ear and “the Chinese [people]” is basically ok but “a Chinese” sounds shitty. We don't know why but that's definitely the case! “Chinese national” does the job just fine.

Here's “an” answer, not particularly satisfactory:

In English there is a distinction between nationalities that end in 'ian' like Canadian or Italian and those that end in 'ese' like Japanese or Burmese.

Those that have the 'ian' can say 'I am Canadian' or 'I am a Canadian' interchangeably, but usually in English the 'ese' ones don't use the 'a' when they're referring to people--unless it is being used as an adjective.

You could say "That is a Japanese person" (where Japanese is an adjective describing the word 'person')

This convention also applies to nationalities that end in 'ish' as well, as in 'I am British' or 'I am Scottish' --though Scotland is a different case because they could say, "I am Scottish" or "I am a Scot".

I don't really know why this convention exists, but saying 'I am a Chinese' to a native speaker would be very strange for them.

Source: Stack Exchange

And thother:

• 5D) Cable's hookup makes you turn tail
  turn TAIL = LIAT

"Fo' Dolla' ", set in part on the island of Bali-ha'i, focuses on the romance between a young Tonkinese woman, Liat, and one of the Americans, Marine Lieutenant Joe Cable, a Princeton graduate and scion of a wealthy Main Line family. Pressed to marry Liat by her mother, Bloody Mary, Cable reluctantly declines, realizing that the Asian girl would never be accepted by his family or Philadelphia society. He leaves for battle (where he will die) as Bloody Mary proceeds with her backup plan, to affiance Liat to a wealthy French planter on the islands. Cable struggles, during the story, with his own racism: he is able to overcome it sufficiently to love Liat, but not enough to take her home.

Source: Wikiiiiip

Hey there's Liat, one of the main characters in South Pacific. Oh, who she? Ohhhhh she a hookup. For Lieutenant Joe Cable. Ugh.

Also the existence of a song called Fo' Dolla even in the context of an ostensibly critically defined anti-racist play is rough.

Additional fun fact from the South Pacific Wiki article tho:

When the tour of the show reached a racially segregated theatre in Wilmington, Delaware, Rodgers and Hammerstein threatened to cancel the performances there unless seating was integrated, which it was.

Cool people leave comments!

Quo Vadis? - March 2016

Cool news at TackyHarpersCrypticClues headquarters: we've seen a surge in web traffic! But thus also a surge in spam comments. It's always flattering, the spam. The first sentence is usually, like, “WOW!! This blog is packed with great info!!!” and we blush with pleasure.

The second sentence is, like, “Web sluxuriant krazee moriaty mosgrove acquittal Affiliate marketing.” Then a link to some dum spam site.

But popularity with robots is still popularity! You know that old show biz saying: “first the bots, then the masses.”

…  why, yes. We do consider this blog to be under the ægis of show biz.

In unrelated news: currently we are obsessed with Snapchat© face swaps™ of we and Sweet V. We were hung up at first believing these are alt‑lesbian versions of ourselves. But now we're hung up on imagining these are our grown up daughters, who are friends, and come to visit their old ma and pa sometimes.

The Theme!

A four‑quadrant construction with four fifteeners as lattices. We're told in the instructs that 1) is an across lattice so that the solution is unique. Ok.

Sweet V's solve of VIDEOCONFERENCE and early successes with quadrant C led to some speculative fill and good guesses. Final quadrants:

QUADRANT B	QUADRANT D
QUADRANT A	QUADRANT C

How does the title QUO VADIS relate to this Theme? We do not know, Dear Readers. Uncle Google says QUO VADIS means “where are you going?” in Latin and that it's also the titles of a buncha media including a 1951 film starring six‑time Oscar nominee Deborah Kerr. This is a surprising descrip on the 1924 film:

Watch the Apostles and other followers like Saul preach the gospel and spread the message of love and hope in this high quality entertaining animated feature for your kids and family.

Source: iMdB

That wholesome animated feature is out of step with most Quo Vadi, which reference Peter feeling afraid in Italy and high‑tailin it outta Rome to escape the toxic murderous climate against Christians. But on the way out he encounters Christ. And Pete asks, “quo vadis?” And his Prince of Peace answers, “o, not much, I'm going back to Rome to be re‑crucified.” And Pete is like, “o. I'm a coward.” So then he goes back to Rome where soon afterward the Romans crucify him upside down.

The grid construction definitely looks kinda Roman architectural agora'y. So maybe that's the idea. Dear Readers are of course invited to speculate further in the comments!

The fifteeners:

• 1) This one is our pick for Tacky Clue, see below

• 2) She invoices sums, concealing monkey business (15)
  SHE INVOICES SUMS * anagram = MISCHIEVOUSNESS

Glorious anagrama! “concealing” as anagrind is a little funny but forgiven because anagram (anagram!!). Got hung up several rounds thinking it would be a female quant, like ACCOUNTRESS or similar.

US Fed Reserve Chair Janet Yellen

• 3) Solving the problem when basketball player has this? l;(15)
  TROUBLE SHOOTING (double syn)

Sweet! Alla the B boys and B girls have trouble shooting the B ball sometimes.

• 4) Communication, if CEO reconvened organization? (15)
  IF CEO RECONVENED organization = VIDEOCONFERENCE

Another wonderful anagram! Altho video conferencing introduces communications problems as it solves them. cf this tweet:

An Academic Skype Conversation
A. "I still can't see you."
B. "Let me just try something."
A. "I'll just call you."
B. "Can you see me now."

— Shit Academics Say (@AcademicsSay) June 1, 2014

Alla the resta the clues were sevensies, so we'll omit the letter count.

Highlights!

• 5) Here's the dish: knight is back to going both ways
  ((knight = SIR) is back = RIS) TO going both ways = RISOTTO

Loved this. Like: bisexual Lancelot! Caught between his love of Guin and his passíon for Arthur! Yes please! Twas also the first solve of the puzzle for us.

• 6) Cannabis, you are it! It's found by the pound!
  (Cannabis = HASH) (you are it = TAG) = HASHTAG

Whoa! Weren't expecting this! Expected CANNABIS = POT, expected “found by the pound” = “lost dog” or similar. Did not expect a Modern Social Media™ reference!

• 9) Drag out gag that appears on street
  (gag = RETCH) appears on (street = ST) = STRETCH

Got rull hung up thinking this was an anagram of DRAG OUT (TUG ROAD?).

• 11) Squabble's royal focal point: putting underwear on backward
  (royal = R) (focal point = HUB) (putting (underwear = BRA) backwards = ARB) = RHUBARB

Have probably learned then forgotten that RHUBARB can mean interpersonal conflict many times, the way that on at least a dozen occasions we've learnt then forgotten the name of Rick Allen, one‑armed drummer from Def Leppard. It's like being caught in a time loop. The only way to break free of the loop is a goofy mnemonic. In this case, we pretend that Rick Allen is the goofy British cousin of American film and TV star Tim Allen. And that does the trick. We have thus escaped the time loop.

Image courtesy Wikimedia

But buh, any time BRA shows up it's a small unkind cut. A crappy underwire that poked through.

• 13) Pitt abs developed by one immersed in worship
  PITT ABS * anagram = BAPTIST

Wonderful! PITT ABS was obvious anagram fodder, but that natural definition portion and double meaning of “immersed” is v nice!

• 14) A tropical theme plays cleverly in Company
  PLAYS cleverly in (company = CO) = CALYPSO

Mmm nice! Thinking about Murphy Brown and how Murph haaaaaaated Barry Manilow's music. But then Barry Manilow appeared on the show and played piano for her, and she loved it.

• 15) I'm a fruit—get out of the office!
  IM (a fruit = PEACH) = IMPEACH

Argh! So torn on this clue! We love it for its cluing, but find the narrative tacky. More fantasies of queeny dictatorial types. Fantasies of oppressive queers. Of course as is always the case, we learn something new about the fantasizer.

• 16) Material that's sized for two male animals
  two male animals = BUCK RAM = BUCKRAM

Never hearda buckram, but love this! So fresh.

Image courtesy Wikimedia

• 17) Brought to victory, Roman four does coming back around
  (victory = V) (Roman four = IV) (does = DEER) coming back around = REVIVED

So nice! The obviousness of “Roman four” forgiven for rippitty sneak‑sneak of DOES qua DEER mwa! LOVE this!

• 20) Diverse characters in a new edition
  DIVERSE * anagram = REVISED

Nice sweet anagrama!

• 22) Harmful Burma‑Shave writing?
  Burma‑Shave writing = AD VERSE = ADVERSE

Mwa! Delectable and delightful! Wonderful! Reminded of the pilot episode of Quantum Leap. One of Sam's cues that he has legit traveled beyond the veil is seeing the Burma‑Shave ads on the highway. And oh! The idea itself for these ads! Using the fact of cars and driving to generate comedic timing in an otherwise static format. Glorious.

• 23) Strange Latvian game
  LATVIAN * anagram = VALIANT

Took a little research to believe that “valiant” = “game” but yuh, this is nice! And of course much enjoy the neatness of a three‑word clue. Here's a video of some Romanian kids playing “lapte gros.” Sortof a leap frog Red Rover thing. A structured outlet for physical aggression, which we generally approve of.

• 25) Makes lower classes well‑spoken
  (classes = LESSONS) well‑spoken = LESSENS

Mwa! Whatta homophone! Yass!!

• 26) One dangerously wild flower in the Mideast, they say
  (flower in the Mideast = TIGRIS) they say = TIGRESS

Ahhhh!!! YASS! Shoutout to the crable of cibilization, the mighty Tigris and Euphrates!! Shoutout to Billy Blake and the Tyger burning bryght. So sweet and delicious.

• 27) Contract to form brigade
  form BRIGADE = ABRIDGE

Nice fresh use of “contract” as opposite of “dilate.” Delish.

• 28) Find us tragically enthralled by housecleaner? Just the opposite!
  FinD US TRAGically = DUSTRAG

Glorious, daring wordspanner! “Find us” made us think of Findus the cat, beloved character from the picture books of our young cousin‑by‑marriage Ioana. Findus is a curious and mischievous black and white cat, always getting into trouble. Standard beloved childhood picture book stuff :) And super‑compelling character design:

Lowlights!

• 7) Makes new catalogues for big hotels
  Makes new catalogues = RE‑SORTS = RESORTS

Thought this would be the proper noun of the puzzle, like RAMADAS or RESEDAS or similar. “Makes new” had us thinking of RENEWS or RE‑. Bland payoff.

• 8) Mass movement gone crazy—there's rot in it!
  crazy ROT IN IT = INTROIT

Church words. Meh. No benediction here.

Pope Francis drops his latest mixtape in Bangui, Central African Republic

• 10) How Italians keep their cool and not riot when provoked
  NOT RIOT when provoked = TORTONI

Uh. What is a tortoni? Never hearda. Thinking now of Signor Eco and Foucault's Pendulum and plenny of Italian riots. This clue also smacks of respectability politics, which, buh. What's so great about being good and shutting up and taking it from the System? What's so great about the status quo.

• 12) Exercises that are the same going up or down?
  PULLUPS

Because PULLUP reversed is PULLUP. Irritatingly, PULLUPS ≠ SPULLUP.

• 18) Unbounded and friendless but not at the end of the week
  FRIENDLESS but not (at the end of the week = FRI) = ENDLESS

So many things. Let's start with FRIENDLESS => ENDLESS nyoooooh. No no‑no. No!! And Friday is not the end of the week. Saturday is the end of the week. Maybe Sunday. You could play a “work week.” You could play a “start of Shabbos.” You could win us over playing this as an Islam‑normative week. In which case this becomes a Highlight.

• 19) Plays with dialogue—initially I would bring up Rosebud e.g.
  (DIALOGUE initially = D) (I WOULD = I'D) (bring up (ROSEBUD e.g. = SLED) = DLES) = DIDDLES

“Diddles” is a gross word. Mainstream lexica jibe with this “plays with” definition, but in practice, in the real world, on the streets, we've only heard DIDDLES in the context of sexual touch. And generally unwanted sexual touch. Gross.

• 21) Northern riots broken up, left where there's a passing of wind
  (Northern = N) RIOTS broken up (left = L) = NOSTRIL

Putting this in Lowlights onnnnly cuz we hadda “wind tunnel” = “nose” thing like just last month. Cmong. Also, this bit of dialogue between we and Sweet V:

ME

I want this to just be FARTS.

SWEET V

Yes. Altho that would be Southern riots.

• 24) In Italy, everything from three on is late!
  In Italy everything from three on = OVER DUE = OVERDUE

Boo. Boo to Itanglish. Thought it was the Italian word for “everything” which we figured was TUTTI, so then we were agonizing over manipulating TUTTI. Anyway. Dumb.

The Tacky

• 1) Frank: a gay soccer team won't hire him! (15)
  STRAIGHT FORWARD (double syn.)

Tell it to ya boi Robbie Rogers

Um ok so um wut? Let's be real, the criteria a gay soccer team is likely to set for Hetero Frank qua new forward are:

1. does he want to play on our gay soccer team?
2. is he any good? (optional)

and maaayyyyyyyyybe there'd be, “he knows, right, that we're a gay soccer team? Just so it's super clear.”

But certainly

3. get outta here breeder cuz it's gays only, Frank!!!!!!!

would, like, not come up. This is a weird lil fantasy about Queer Orthodoxy, which definitely exists in perverse and unnatural environments like San Francisco. But not even everywhere in San Francisco, just specific communities and gayborhoods.

Most gay clubs in our experience are like the Palm Springs Gay Men's Chorus:

Non‑Discrimination Statement
The Palm Springs Gay Men's Chorus does not discriminate in it's[sic] employment practices on the basis of: race/ethnicity, color, creed, national origin, ancestry, sexual orientation, gender, gender self‑identification, age, disability, veteran status, religion, or political beliefs.

Source: they's About page

You don't hafta be gay or a man. There just aren't enough gay hobbyists to get uptight about identity.

This is really a fantasy that a gay soccer team would be as shitty and discriminatory as non‑gay soccer teams are. Which, semantically they would be more inclusive but in live real world practice, not so much.

Don't worry, we'll fix it:

• Blunt, neat, and fresh (15)

“neat” as in “one scotch: neat” or “one scotch: STRAIGHT.”

“fresh” as in “Marvin! Don't get fresh! [slap]” or “Marvin! How FORWARD of you!”

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