Crazy Quilt - November 2015

The Theme!

What's up, crazy quilt. Not our fave theme. Much frustration and torment, and for what? A sweet honeycomb like Hex Signs? Retro fun like Tetris? A satisfying art piece like Vicious Circles? Nay. Just a giant interlochen mess.

Dunno about you Dear Readers, but mid‑solve, with a gridful of unsalvageably incorrect guesses, we had to do a compleat reboot and start fresh. Trés aggravating.

Highlights!

• 9D) Turned up as a trap—it's a setup (9)
  UP AS A TRAP * anagram = APPARATUS

Lovely anagrama!

• 14A) Practice seeing about CNN layouts in action (11)
  CNN LAYOUTS * anagram = CONSULTANCY

Mwa! Giant anagrama! Lova lova!

• 15A) Terrify, old‑style, at a distance, taking ecstasy (5)
  (at a distance = AFAR) taking (ecstasy = E) = AFEAR

Love this. Even if “afear” is ohso close to “m'lady.” Absolutely in love with “old‑style” to mean “anachronistic.” Fantastic!

• 16A) Well‑grounded company man (6)
  (company = CO) (man = GENT) = COGENT

Thought for a sec that “company man” = “cog” which, yes, a thousand times yes! It's a little different from that
(or is it).

• 19A) Josephine, e.g.—temptress having no time for us at all? (7)
  TEMPTRESS having no time = EMPRESS

Nice! These clues where you shake out a letter to be left with a new word are like the trick when you whip the tablecloth off and the table remains perfectly set. Mm! Satisfying!

• 22A) A hanging could be silent—listen (6)
  SILENT * anagram = LISTEN * anagram = TINSEL

Yas! The wisdom of the third anagram! Always love these.

• 30A) From other lines, some characters show warmth and caring (12)
  FROM OTHER LINES * anagram froM OTHER LINES Some = MOTHERLINESS

Glorious anagrama! Per Wise Tyler, woops, nottanagram. A daring spanner! Tho the qualities of “motherliness” are kindof like the qualities of “avuncular.” Depends on the mother, depends on the uncle. Like “big brother.”

• 31A) Resort reaches limits in the flood (5)
  (Resort = SPA) reaches (limits in THE = TE) = SPATE

Classic. Nice narrative, freshness in the indicators. One thing Chicago is missing: a spa and bathhouse like the Imperial Day Spa on Geary in San Francisco. Dear Readers, we have legit considered visiting SF again just to spend another day there soaking and steaming.

• 32A) Train tied up in late morning (6)
  (Train = EL) (tied up = EVEN) = ELEVEN

Yes! Our favorite scene in The Fugitive is when Tommy Lee Jones's team is listening to Dr Kimble's call, and Johnny Lee Davenport [correctly] identifies the sound of the elevated train. Watching as a kid, we didn't think of The Fugitive as a particularly Chicago movie, but as an adult it's constant Chicago specificity:f from the St Patrick's Day parade, to the El, to the Polish neighborhood where Dr Kimble lays low (Pullman).


“Don't ever argue with the big dog. Big dog's always right.”

• 33A) Frontless undergarments? Plant kisses here! (4)
  Frontless (undergarments = SLIPS) = LIPS

Hello hello hell‑oooooh! What's up, oral sex. What is up. Nice to see an “undergarments” that's not BRA, btw.

• 1D) Tony's girl given almost stylish band (8)
  (Tony's girl = MARIA) given almost (stylish = CHIC) = MARIACHI

Thisiz aight.

• 2D) A field sport, private, has, without starting, serious defenses (9)
  A (field sport = POLO) (private = GI) (HAS without starting = AS) = APOLOGIAS

Did you know polo comes from the East? As does chess. The cultural claim on both yet another spoil of imperialism. Nearly stuck this in lowlights for all the commas in the clue. That's an excessive number of commas, non? Here's our rewrite:

• Justification for a Greek god (not Latin) near vaginas without truck (9)

softly, sing‑song: “Nailed it.”

• 5D) Dolly gets run down after getting let off outside (7)
  RUN (down = D) getting LET off outside = TRUNDLE

Nice! Harooooooo Dolly!

• 6D) Form of herpes, something that's going around (6)
  HERPES * anagram = SPHERE

MMmm! Wonderful! Now this is what we're talking about! Like a regular sentence you might read in a magazine, no obvious puzzle words, no low‑hanging anagrind or indicators. Smooth and clean, like the sphere in the movie Sphere.

The most implausible part of the movie Sphere was that Sharon Stone married Dustin Hoffman. No but like for real not kidding.

Image courtesy Warner Bros. c/o IMDb

• 7D) Mud rafts, surprisingly stable (4,4)
  MUD RAFTS * anagram = STUD FARM

Surprise! It's the grotesque field of animal husbandry! Eep. Stud farms. But another lovely clean clue. Excellent.

• 8D) Causes smells, as the saying goes (6)
  (smells = REEKS) * homophone = WREAKS

Such a nice run of clues here in the downs! Speaking of Reeks, can we talk about Game of Thrones for a second? Let's talk. We are hardcore true believers in that TV show. We lack the receptor for enjoying the books. It's not personal, it's just a genetic thing. The same way we lack the Gilmore Girls receptor. Anyway tho, we've just about hettit with all this killing people off without advancing the main storyline of Just What the Fock Is Happening in Westeros.

They've just about burnt through our goodwill as a viewer. And we're a Neon Genesis Evangelion fan. Not just fan: evangelist. So what we're saying is, our tolerance for mystery: is high. Our patience with killing off important cool characters while the lamest weakest assholes continue to live: is great. But Game of Thrones is pushing us to our limit.

Maybe that's the point of the show. To teach indifference to that which you once loved. To nurture nihilism (goth enlightenment).

• 12) Outlaws in favor of writers? (10)
  (in favor of = PRO) (writers = SCRIBES) = PROSCRIBES

Excellent!

• 14D) Put in uniform tuition, connected to university medicine (8)
  (tuition = COST) connected to (university = U) (medicine = MED) = COSTUMED

Yass! A uniform is a costume!

• 23D) Perfection, to some, is catch‑up (3)
  (catch = NET) up = TEN

Excellent! Tight, brief, natural language.

• 25D) Loose change, in pun (5)
  change IN PUN = UNPIN

We're in a Rage Phase against super simple anagrams, but this one! Delightful! The fake‑out indicator with “pun” as anagrind. The brevity. The use of “loose” as “loose the dogs of war.” Excellent.

• 29A) A Christmas Carol is a book with no heart (4)
  (book = NOVEL) with no heart = NOEL

Kinda sicka Noël in the puzzle but the language here! So natural. Trippingly off the tongue. Have you seen the trailer for the new Coën brothers movie? We bring it up because, click and you'll see. We are excite:

Lowlights!

• 10A) Republican one flips over: white Anglo‑Saxon Protestant! What a cutup! (6)
  (Republican = R) (one = I) ((white Anglo‑Saxon Protestant = WASP) flips over = PSAW) = RIPSAW

Whoa. Yowza. Spelling out every single part of White Anglo‑Saxon Protestant. Yikes.

For those Dear Readers who are also Max Funsters, besides Notorious Marcel, one of our favorite parts of Jordan and Jesse Go! is when Jesse unpacks common acronyms. Electronic Bay. Information Phone. But the best, the best, the best best best of these is Extreme Box, for XBox.

• 11A) Footloose or shod, showing an island as the Greeks write it (6)
  OR SHOD * anagram = RODHOS

Six words for you: what, the fuck, is this, shit. RODHOS? This clue is an Olympic discus thrown directly into the Mediterranean.

Pop quiz: name the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World! We've memorized them at least once a year every year for the last 20 years. We forget some or all almost immediately. Let's try now!! Has the cycle been broken?? Can we at last remember??? Wonder no longer!

1. The Colossus of Rhodes, in Greece
2. The Lighthouse of Alexandria, in Egypt
3. The Great Pyramid, also Egypt
4. The Hanging Gardens of Babylon, in Iraq*
   *if they even existed … Our memory is that the existence of the Gardens is in dispute.
5. The statue of Zeus, in (Greece?)
6. The statue of Artemis of Ephesus with all the boobs on it, don't remember where
7. something in Turkey

How'd we do! (looks it up on Wikipedia)

We missed the Mausoleum at Halicarnassus, built by the Persians, indeed in Turkey. Artemis is a temple, not a statue, and her thing is in Turkey, not Greece. Overall not bad!

Here is the many‑breasted Artemis of Ephesus. Those might not be breasts. They might be eggs. Or bull testicles. You can look at this statue and see whatever you want to see here, and learn something about yourself.

• Badly built pound, with ridiculously underlit exterior (3‑6)
  (pound = L) with ridiculously UNDERLIT exterior = ILL‑TURNED

Sure. “pound” as in pound sterling, pound currency. Bri'ish quid. £  Why commonly abbreved to L? Why the L not?

• 17A) Happening under pressure, strike leads to unexpected hiatus (7)
  (strike = S) leads to (anagram * HIATUS) = SHAITSU

What a dum anagram. SHIATUS => SHIATSU
YES SO DUM
WUT A STUMPER

• Unnatural mania for where babies come from (5)
  MANIA * anagram = AMNIA

Like “the amniotic sac.” Aight. Assumed a Jungian “anima” for a while. Our margin notes show a frowny face, altho truly, we're not sure how we feel. We enjoy the clue narrative, of course. Sex maniacs.

• 28A) Rude, oafish, smallish type comes first—or last (6)
  (RUDE * anagram) + (smallish type = EN) comes first = ENDURE

Yah uh “smallish type” = “EN” reads a bit thin. Like as in the slightly long hyphen for use in telephone numbers? Meh.

• 34A) Historic French lover couldn't have been seedier—or could she! (7)
  SEEDIER * anagram = DESIREE

Meh. Why not equal puzzle cluing devoted to slutty men. Who even is this French historical DESIREE who is she even? The only French lady lovers we know are Héloïse and Joséphine …

Bernardine Eugénie Désirée Clary (8 November 1777 – 17 December 1860), was Queen of Sweden and Norway as the consort of King Charles XIV John, a former French General and founder of the House of Bernadotte, and one-time fiancée of Napoleon Bonaparte.

Source: Wikipeed

• 4D) Burr and others, a Reagan in like surroundings (6)
  A (Reagan = RON) in (like = AS) surroundings = AARONS

We have two brothers: Tommy and Chris. Here is a joke that makes Chris chuckle, but Tommy literally can't roll his eyes hard enough:

“I was expecting Chris, but I only see one Chri here.”

“I was expecting Thomas, so why do I only see one Thoma?”

That joke is not very good; that joke is way better than AARONS. What's up tho to my brothers and sisters lovin BROADWAY SMASH HIT HAMMMMMMILTONNNNN!!

• 18D) Something's underfoot—but only in leading (6)
  (but only = SOLE) IN leading = INSOLE

Meh. Do you feel the restraint in not pulling “in” = “cool” equivalency?

• 20D) Traveling U.S. mile for oat meal? (6)
  US MILE * anagram = MUESLI

Puzzle cereal of champions.

• 21D) The old‑fashioned S.A.T.'s—funny, you get a rise out of them (6)
  (THE old‑fashioned = YE) SATS * anagram = YEASTS

Meh. Old‑fashioned and musty … like this clue!!

• 26D) People with reservations losing million in minutes (4)
  MINUTES losing ((million = M) IN) = UTES

Starting now and every month going forward, every time the puzzle ute‑ilizes UTES, Tacky Harper's Cryptic Clues will make a small donation to the American Indian Education Fund. Such is the unearned benefit the puzzle reaps from the names of those who could use a decent scholarship.

The Tacky

Aw jyah, bro‑dogs! The offender this month is none other than Richard E Maltby Jr's all‑time special magic favoritest clue**:
**as indicated in the footer of this very puzzle

• 1A) The definitive manifestation of the human comedy is a crime (12)
  (The definitive manifestation of the human = MANS) + (comedy = LAUGHTER) = MANSLAUGHTER

This was one of the last clues we solved, as well. One of the guesses in our margin notes: MURDER MASTER

Couple things. First thing. Where's that S in MANS comin from. Don't answer that. We weren't asking a question. We were pointing out how we know good and gorrang well that the S isn't coming from anywhere.

Second thing. Boo to male normativity. Fact: we all started out female in utero. Then some of us were virilized. Thus, the protean manifestation of the human is woman—an argument supported by scientific fact. In the distance, you can hear the sound of our woman's laughter.

“Uh, but ‘man’ = ‘human’ has been accepted usage for thousands of years, so whatever,” you might say to us. You might follow it up with, “also I hate change, and also I feel terror at even minor discomfort, so rather than alter any anachronistic or logically void but familiar behaviors, I will instead deny any problem associated with such behaviors, and deny the premise underlying such problem, and attack those who would invite me to do otherwise.”

And to that, we say, “wutever.” To that, we say, “adapt or die.”

Per Dear Reader Unknown WOOPS this is “definitive” as in “defined” as in “edges” or “boundary” or w/e so we take it back, this is not yet another irritating WOMANifestation of male normativity and we were mm perhaps judgWOMANtal in deeming it thus.

So … nothing tacky this month? Nothing tacky this month.

Leave a comment. Unlike Spinoza's god, we always comment back.

Sign Language - June 2012

We're back, loyal readers of TackyHarpersCrypticClues.blogspot.com! S'gonna be different now; from now on, we're using first person plural pronouns to refer to ourselves.

This month we knocked out the puzzle in an hour while lying in bed in a bad mood. Even given such compromised puzzle-solving state, this cryptic fell apart like a cookie in a washing machine. Like a model airplane in a woodchipper. Like an emotionally unstable person asked the Hard Questions.

Ugh, and this puzzle also frequently employed our least favorite cryptic clue type, the kind where you have to guess the synonym and use it in an anagram or word manipulation. Bleh. If you like this kind, they're all yours.

Our beef is that these clues don't stand on their own. Ya almost always need some crossfill to nail them, and then when you do it's like, "oh." No satisfaction.

Lowlights:

• 12A. Blue inside, seek unlikely cause of tsunami (8)
  (Blue = AQUA) + SEEK (anagram) = SEAQUAKE
  We were so hoping this would be a controversial answer, like that tsunamis are caused by eco-terrorists as Michael Crichton imagines in State of Fear. Did you read that book? We love Michael Cri, but that science fiction book was truly science fictional. Anyway. Did we guess AQUA only because of the cross-Q on EQUAL, yes, obviously that is the only reason we guessed AQUA. Prior to that, forced BLUE SEEK anagram after BLUE SEEK anagram.
• 28A. Place to walk in ermine when temperature's off (4)
  (ermine = STOAT) - (temperature = T) = STOA
  Blah. That's the sound of us falling asleep with disgust. STOAT and STOA?
• 6D. Horse rears up to go over something again (5)
  (Horse = PACER) (anagram) = RECAP
  "Pacer" for horse is a stretch. Bleh.
• 35A. One who cans tomatoes at the outset leaves strainer? (4)
  (tomatoes at the outset = T) + (One who cans = AXER) = TAXER
  Ugh this convention in puzzledry that fired = axed = canned is so hacky and anachronistic. And "TAXER" is one of those words accepted in the Scrabble^TM dictionary, and nowhere else. Like as if every verb can take an ER. Every verb! ARRIVER: One who arrives! Yes, "arriver": a word we know and use. One day we will coldly tell these so-called words: we're not disappointed you're lying to us, we're disappointed you're lying to yourselves."
• 24A. Name a president who came back as a Mideast leader! (4)
  (Name = N) + (president = ABE) (reversed) = EBAN
  Actually jk, jk, we loved this clue, only because it says, "name a president!" and we immediately think, "Abraham Lincoln!" That man was The President. Boom.

The very best cryptic clues are the ones that read as natural English, with no obvious indicators or handholds. They're smooth, and impenetrable to all but the most skilled. Like a ball bearing, or the sphere in the movie Sphere starring Samuel L. Jackson, based on the book of the same name by Michael Crichton.

None of this month's clues were quite of that highest light, but there were some beloveds:

• 10D. A sweep might show what a Ghanaian spends ... (6)
  A SWEEP (anagram) = PESEWA
  Currency of Ghana. Lovely. Daringly asking the puzzler to have specific knowledge of West Africa, i.e. the world as it exists even beyond such cultural eye-openers as high school French and Spanish. Shout out to Ghanaian friends Victor and Felix, and further shout out to Richard E. Maltby Jr. for including not one but two Ghana clues this month!
  Here's the other one—even more fun:
• 13D. ... in a day around Ghana's surroundings! (6)
  A + (day = FRI) + (around = CA (as in "circa")) = AFRICA
  Ok, so, yuss, this is kinda that clue-type specifically called out earlier, cuz you have to guess/infer that FRI, but whatever! A clue about Ghana! Woohoo!
• 9D. Cheap furniture store loses a president (3)
  (Cheap furniture store = IKEA) - A = IKE
  Another synonym-guesser, but you know we love any dig against IKEA. Particle board and two-cent screws. Worthless. IKEA furniture is like H&M clothing: some of it lasts forever, but most of it is disposable and won't survive the year. And we also love a second president clue. Ike! We like!

• 25D. Price on your head by morning is taken from amount taken in (6)
  AMOUNT - (morning = AM) + BY = BOUNTY
  Yes.

• 34D. Breathing spaces in which all vie roughly to maintain no score (7)
  ALL VIE + (no score = O) (anagram) = ALVEOLI
  Hoorah! Knew the answer as soon as we saw the word "Breathing" and "vie." That is how strong an impression 6th grade biology with Mr. Wurzberg made. Do you know what we did that year? We dissected a cow lung, right there in the classroom. It was incredible. We also made our own root beer from scratch. Otto Wurzberg was the money.
  
  So then we'd kept the word "alveoli" locked into longterm memory all these years, believing that one day there would be payoff. This puzzle was the payoff.

related
In 2004 we spent several hours with Dave "Sparky" Newman's road atlas learning the US state mottos, believing that one day there would be payoff. And then just the other month, one of the rounds at pub trivia was strictly: US state mottos. Kaboom. We nailed that round and doubled the points, and eventually won the night, resulting in a single free shot of whiskey for the entire team. Thus, the payoff for eight years of holding down that rote memory was literally and figuratively distilled: a tiny volume of alcohol.

No regrets, dear readers.

Special magic variety theme this month: the names for various symbols. Hell yes! Loved how many of these we knew, and loved even more the opportunity to learn others:

• 1A. # = OCTOTHORPE
  Why "octo" when it limns nine spaces? Shouldn't it be "nonothorphe"? DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS JUST BASK IN THE GLORY OF THIS WORD
• 20A. ¶ = PILCROW
• 22A. • = INTERPUNCT
• 37A. «» = GUILLEMETS
  Those French quotes. Love! High school French. Opening my eyes.
• 51A. ∞ = LEMNISCATE
  Reminded us of "limaçon from calculus.

"limaçon" means "snail"

• 8D. = QUINCUNX
  What a delightful, filthy-sounding, incredible word!
• 26D. @ = AMPERSAT
  Always knew this symbol by its alternate name, "amphora."
• 36D. ÷ = OBELUS
  So much is lost with "/" to indicate division. How beautiful, the noble obelus!

Well there you have it for lowlights, highlights, and theme. Ah, but where is this month's tacky Harper's cryptic clue, you ask? We have one and a half!

To the half!

• 39D. Female advisor—awkward, I agree (6)
  I AGREE (anagram) = EGERIA

We'd never heard of her either.

Egeria was a mythological Roman nymph and royal consort, and, as Wikipedia assures us, her name is synonymous with "counselor." Presumably Richard E. Maltby Jr. couldn't possibly mean Egeria the French pilgrim and writer of the Dark Ages. side note: how cool to have a legacy as a writer of the Dark Ages?

This clue annoys us. Ha ha female advice is awkward. Ha ha women in positions of authority, how weird. We could write you a full-length legally admissible brief on the awkward, misguided advice conferred unto us by men of a stereotypically male perspective.

Just this morning, some guy told us that the best way to move our web series forward was to "get an agent. That's what I've heard is always the first step." This is literally the dumbest advice anyone has ever given us w/r/t the series. Possibly w/r/t anything. Ugh, this advice annoyed us even more than this clue annoys us.

We must move along, however! The truly tacky clue this month is:

• 42A. Where women live and are kept by His Majesty (5)
  ARE + H + M = HAREM

This clue only works if you equate "women" with "prostitutes." Great. We do appreciate the tightness in referencing a sultanate in both halves. Rare and excellent cluing, just wish it were put to classy use.

Where are the jokes that target dudes, Richard E. Maltby Jr.? We at TackyHarpersCrypticClues.blogspot.com would be glad to write them for you. Something like:

• Where you find immature males, earth-shaking flatulence (4)