Playfair Square - October 2014

This was some real bullshit.

We say this even though we were the winners this month, and this is a plural “we” as ye shall see. Sweet V necessar-y. But the sweetness of victory can't stop the smell of pee (the smell is coming from the puzzle).

There are those within our readership who welcome this type of fuckery and unto you we say, “excelsior!” Go for it. Love it. But this type of next-level nonsense was imposed on we vanilla variety cryptic doers, and why? Why do the puzzle instructions trigger psychogenic hallucinations? Why do we feel a Python script is necessary to decrypt this tomb of terrors? Where is that fun lateral-thinking “knowing it's right” quality? Why has it been replaced with a K-hole of trial and error and self-doubt (and nightmares)?

The Theme

Four answers encoded with a “Playfair” square. From Wiki:

The technique encrypts pairs of letters (digraphs), instead of single letters as in the simple substitution cipher and rather more complex Vigenère cipher systems then in use. The Playfair is thus significantly harder to break since the frequency analysis used for simple substitution ciphers does not work with it.

Yar. At times like these, we think of Bohemian Rhapsody: Did you think you could stomp me and spit in my eye? Did you think you could love me and leave me to die??
DID YOU

Natürlich Freddie Mercury is this month's Nerd Hot Guy

And then we draw power and defiance, and feel confidence in our self-reliance. And we have the courage to start solving the problem. Which, starting is the hardest part. Hard part's over.

Ok so: we solved the entire puzzle, including theme clues, but for:

• 1A) Floor kiss—it's not worth much in Moscow (6)
  (Floor = KO) + (kiss = PECK) = KOPECK

The other three themers:

• 33A) Objects to having in new girls' school heads (6)
  to having in new girls' = THINGS
  
  
• 10D) Criminal cowers—I'm held up in a bank, maybe (6)
  COWERS * anagram = ESCROW
  
  
• 20A) Baroque motets produced by some Poles (6)
  MOTETS * anagram = TOTEMS

And so then by filling in the rest of the grid, we had a solid group of pair mappings to work with.

THINGS = S_NGST
TH maps to S and something else (no cross)
IN maps to NG
GS maps to ST

This was clutch. Because the only way these mappings could work was if I N G were in the same row (or col) and if G S T were /also/ in the same row (or column). It made much more sense for them to be in the same row, though, as a character string in the code word at the top of the Playfair square. And prolly all five of them in the same row.

Ok COOL. We pulled out our trusty Scrabbo set. So useful for times like these.

We set up our Scrabbo tiles as I N G S T at the top, as a string in the keyword:

The other mappings:

ESCROW = HGDA_X
ES maps to HG
CR maps to DA
OW maps to something (no cross) and X

TOTEMS = I_GALT
TO maps to I and something else (no cross)
TE maps to GA
MS maps to LT

So exactly as the Wikipedia entry on Playfair says, it confused and perplexed us mightily that mappings for individual letters are not unique. In particular on TOTEMS that MS maps to LT but in THINGS GS maps to ST. Shouldn't the S to T part necessarily have a unique correspondant? Right?

Wrong. The pair has a unique map. Not the individual letter. We were slow to grasp that. We read it, on the Wikipedia. But even then, nope. Still didn't GRASP

We left the tiles on the table for Sweet V and took a nap. When we awoke, the Sweet One had solved it.



Yielding the Northern Hemispherically seasonally appropriate key word HARVESTING.

How did he do it!! “The Scrabble tiles were clutch,” he said. “I could slide columns around and then check.” Once S T I N G was tried, the rest fell into place quickly. Dear Readers with efficient systems for solving are invited to leave comments belowwwwww.

Keyword decrypted, thus yielding the unchecked crosses (underlined below):

• THINGS = SANGST
• KOPECK = DQQVDB
• ESCROW = HGDAMX
• TOTEMS = IMGALT

We hope this was at all helpful to you in parsing the stupid terrible awful bullshit nightmare of the Playfair Square. If you were unlucky enough to attempt it without a Sweet Vlad by your side, may the g0ds have halped ye.

Highlights!

• 6A) Grouse hunting, initially, after old soldier enters Kansas City (6)
  (hunting initially = H) after (old soldier = VET) enters (Kansas City = KC) = KVETCH

Nice. We have an excellent friend, Miguel, whose dad cybersquatted the site “medkvetch.com” for years. He was sure it'd be a seller: an online forum [for Jews] to talk about health [problems]. medkvetch. No takers. Catchy title, though!

• 14A) Saint-Exupèry's fictitious nation (English) (7)
  (NATION + (English = E)) * anagram = ANTOINE

Antoine, quit playing.

This was an excellent psych out! So certain were we that a Le Petit Prince reference was in store. B‑612. Non non!

PS that we and our mommazon took a trip to France the other week. Nice and not-Nice. We had to make a lot of “Nice/nice” puns before our mom caught on. But once she was wise, she was a ruthless punster like her daughter.

• 15A) Go right up to nameless, upset Ann Davis at a screening (5)
  (Go right = GEE) + ((ANN * nameless = AN) * upset = NA) = GEENA

Strong. Love Geena.

• 18A) Part of the Masters of Sex cast act in Entering the Womb (10)
  (act = DO) + IN entering (womb = MATRIX) = DOMINATRIX

matrix

Etymology
From Old French matrice (“pregnant animal”), from Latin mātrīx (“dam, womb”), from māter (“mother”).

Source: Witchinary

Takin' the matrix back to its mother roots! Like 14A), this clue was another psych-out: we were certain it'd be a Lizzy Kaplan or Michael Sheen reference. By the way, have you watched Masters of Sex? Our brother and mommazon love it, so we gave it a shot. But it's so annoying to sit through the “revelations” about human sexuality. Like they have to reconstruct the female orgasm from primitives. Like: “woman's sexual pleasure, a recent invention, a new discovery! Kama what now?” It saddens us a little for the people who lived through that time, alienated from their own bodies and the bodies of their partners. But mostly we get annoyed. Ain't no time for that.

• 20A) Close Encounters II—semantic issues from it (10)
  II SEMANTIC * anagram = INTIMACIES

Oh, just wonderful! Loved. Big anagrams like this always love. Shout out to young Dick Drife.

• 23A) Edward Snowden, for example, is more desolate having got leadership removed (6)
  (more desolate + BLEAKER) * leadership removed = LEAKER

Thought this might be something fun and inflammatory like “AMERICAN HERO.”

• 28A) Stuck in a hotel, perhaps (7)
  LODGING (synonyms)

Stuck in a hotel ... just a few lines down from the Snowden clue and is that mere coincidence???

• 30A) Build up or tear down, it's all the same to my ears (5)
  RAISE (homophone)

Yesss! Love. Similar to UNITE / UNTIE. A word so nearly its own opposite, contradictory, containeth multitudes. Excellent.

• 31A) Relaxed state, finally, in death, introduced by heads of England (8)
  (state finally = E) in (death = END) introduced by (heads of England = LOOS) = LOOSENED

“'Ello, love! Gotta use the loo, Cheerio!” That sentence is a good example of what we might say to you were we showing off our British accent. Just imagine how good our British accent is. Pret-ty good!

• 1D) Group of soldiers cut off the rear? (6)
  DETAIL (de-tail)

Sweet. Simple. Narrative. Lose the question mark at the end and we think it's perfect.

• 4D) Victory over Stravinsky produces zip (5)
  (Victory = V) + (Stravinsky = IGOR) = VIGOR

Excellent!! So fun.

• 5D) It's liable in N.Y. to be mismanaged on a regular basis (10)
  ITS LIABLE IN NY * anagram = BIENNIALLY

Sweet sweeping anagram! Cutting narrative. Beautiful. Not sure why for to include the periods in “N.Y.” except to maybe specify “New York [City]” but then, mismanagement could perhaps duly apply to the whole state, non? N'est-ce pas? Sorry, did we just French? We were just in France, did we mention? Accidentally Frenched you, there.

• 7D) Through with looking old, finish off medicine that keeps you up for hours (6)
  (Through = VIA) + ((looking old = GRAY) * finish off = GRA) = VIAGRA

Nice. Excellent narrative. Through with looking old [in my pants]! Where's the medicine that will keep [my penis] up???

• 8D) Understanding the heart of XXX? (7)
  (XXX = TEN TEN TEN) * heart = ENTENTE

Whoa. This was a fresh take on XXX. Inventive. Lovely.

• 17D) Silences working things needed for driving (8)
  SILENCES * anagram = LICENSES

This one not pertickly specktaclar, just a fun straightforward annagramma, but calling it out cuz it reminds us of working on a Canadian Tire spam email at that corporate marketing gig and one of the late edits was to change “license” to “licence.”
O CANADA
O YOU

Lowlights!

• 16A) First sign of a thaw in cure for disorder in reading (3,3)
  IN CURE * anagram = ICE RUN

What kind of run, now? Our margin notes speculated “SAP RUN?” and “PIG RUN???”

• 24A) Polish 14A, brilliant only for self-revelation (5)
  brilliant only = ANTON

Relies on getting ANTOINE for 14A, and boo. We hate those non-standaloners. “self-revelation” as an indicator for hidden words ... annoying. But also fresh. Haven't seen that one before.

• 27A) Gin, i.e.: distilled strong spirits (5)
  GIN IE * anagram = GENII

Ummmmmmmm too easy. This is a mysterious uncommon? Handed over on a platter right in the first two words?

• 2D) Geometric pattern that's a cross between an endless test and a short-cut is a number, an indefinite number of times (8)
  ((test = QUIZ) * endless = QUI) + (short CUT = CU) + (number = N) + (number = N) + (times = X) = QUINCUNX

We like quincunx, and shout out to June 2012 where last it appeared in the Harper's. But “number” to mean “N” ... twice?? Quincannot. Quincome on.

The Tacky!

Nothing outright tacky to us, aside from the play-nastiness of the Play-Unfair Square. Invented by this guy, Charles Wheatstone:

Image via Wikimedia

Awesome for use as a code. Hard to break. Hard to even, like, do with the instructions AND answer key in front of you. Does it belong in a garden variety cryptic ermmmmmmmmmmmmmm no.

Ok but so this victory! We got a voicemail (from Puzzle Minion???) informing us! No letter this time. That was nice. A phone call. Old school. Classy.

Please leave a comment. Especially if you have comments on how to solve a Playfair Square without enormous efforts of trial and error.